Red Dawn
by the80srule
Summary: Taking place after the failed seduction scene in Eclipse, Bella is spurned by Edward's rejection. Where will she go to fulfill her desires: La Push, or to another member of the Cullen clan? MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY, more lemons than a Minute Maid truck.
1. Chapter 1: Absolution

**BACKDROP: This anecdote starts on the same night as the attempted seduction scene late in Eclipse. Like many other Cougars for Cullen, I have found myself straying from team loyalty to drool over Carlisle as well as I know many of you other ladies (and boys too) have too. Dude, he's just smoking hot. I mean, come on. He transposed to the silver screen quite well: that part where he's fixing Bella's arm in New Moon? I TOTALLY saw something going on there and if I hadn't read the books I would've thought, Team Jacob and Team Edward be damned; she's playing for Team Carlisle. I didn't pick up on it in the book, but on screen the sexual tension between the two of them was so palpable. (And I **_**know**_** I'm not the only one who noticed!)**

**Based on the title, this is not a crossover of the film of the same name, nor a story dealing with****guerrilla warfare and/or Communism. The title has multiple implications which you'll see for yourself upon reading.**

**RATED M, READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED! Mature readers only because there are lemons and F-bombs aplenty. The first chapter, not so much, but from about Chapter 2 onward…the only thing containing more naughty passages than this is****Senator Packwood's diary. Some may be freaked out by the graphicness of Chapter 5. If you find material with these descriptions offensive, just don't read. You're free to find something else more suited to your tastes if a very tart citrus is not your cup of tea.**

**This is told from Bella's POV and I made some events and circumstances up to have the happenings make sense, with her conflicting thoughts abound. Some of my own experiences and views come up between the lines, along with my eclectic and epileptic taste in music. Being a musician myself I think songs really help tell stories and create atmosphere…and Type O Negative is **_**the**_** band of choice in this case.****Italics denote Bella's thoughts, internal musings, and her conscience yelling at her. Bold italics denote song lyrics that help tell the story/add to the feel of it. And some of the real storyline references are a tad out of sequence, but I know you're only reading this for the naughty bits so you probably don't care about the plot as much. ;) Seriously though, there IS an actual story****here, not the fangirl equivalent of Penthouse Forum.**

**This is my first attempt at fanfic. Praise and constructive criticism welcomed, stupid and immature comments are not.**

**Twilight(R) and all their characters property of Stephenie Meyer.**

"**Fever" property of Otis Blackwell, Little Willie John, and Peggy Lee**

"**Temptation" property of Broadzilla (it sucks that this album is so hard to find now!)**

"**Christian Woman" property of Type O Negative* (the REAL album version, not the sellout ass-kissing radio-friendly one)**

***For ultimate enjoyment, I'd highly recommend listening to the first four minutes of this song in Chapter 4. You'll know when the cue to play it is. Repeat it if you have to ;)**

**Now without further ado…here is Red Dawn.**

**Chapter 1: Absolution**

I fiddled with the dials on my truck's radio, trying to get a station to tune in clearly. This feat was almost impossible as my antenna was shoddy to begin with, and the raging storm outside only made it worse. After giving the dashboard a good smack, I finally got the oldies station to come in. Not exactly my top choice, but it would have to do since I still procrastinated on having Emmett install a new stereo for me.

Then I was just convinced the world was conspiring against me when the next song that came on started with a sensual bass line that I didn't recognize at first until the words began.

"_**Never know how much I love you…never know how much I care…when you put your arms around me, I get a fever that's so hard to bear, you give me fever…"**_

Heat flushed to my face, as I thought about what I just drove away from. Edward has long since brought me to fever pitch which turned into _la douleur exquise_, always telling me how he had to keep such powerful restraint or else the consequences would be dire. Even though I could spend hours on end kissing him, it got frustrating that he had to keep violently pulling away…and I badly wanted more than just kissing. But I was just getting _beyond_ frustrated at this point, as the torture has gone from exquisite to just downright excruciating and unbearable.

Staring ahead on the dark winding road, my windshield wipers going at full blast, I prayed they wouldn't break down on me in the sudden onslaught of rain. I gritted my teeth and dug my nails into the steering wheel because couldn't stop thinking about how close I'd come to Edward finally fulfilling my lingering desires…how I wanted him to change me in more ways than one.

"_**Sun lights up the daytime, moon lights up the night. But I light up when you call my name, 'cos you know I'm gonna treat you right. You give me fever…"**_

When the boys in class would take their Neanderthal locker room talk in with them, I used to just shake my head at it, and got sick of hearing them whine about how the girls they were pursuing just didn't put out. I heard Ben's hushed whispers in Calculus about how it took him five months of dating Angela before they had sex, so she could make sure he was serious first. I didn't see what was wrong with that, and at the time was relieved Ben pretty much admonished the rest of them. Mike apparently still hadn't nailed Jessica and he was pretty sore about it. And in spite of how much I couldn't stand her, it deeply annoyed me when Tyler rambled on about Lauren, how he had to buy expensive presents and ply her with wine coolers he filched from his mom for her to "let" him fuck her.

God, why do those guys always say "she let" as if we're still in the Victorian Era and people believe women don't have sexual desires themselves? It's always "she let", never…she _wanted_? She asked? _We_ wanted? Jesus, one minute they bitch that we're not sexual enough, then we voice what we want and it scares them! It's always "she _let_" him do something to her as if the act is not mutual.

Which only makes me wonder if that's what this impasse with Edward is: does he just _not want to_ have sex? Is it a one-sided deal like what the boys on the football team talk about?

He's my raison d'être…so could I be happy in a sexless relationship, never experiencing what I desperately wanted to?

_Or a sexless _marriage_ considering he wants to seal the deal with a ring?_

I used to think those boys kvetching was shameful, just macho BS, until now. Now I could relate, and to no end. Not losing the irony on the phrase "Victorian Era", now that my Victorian age of living in fear had finally come to an end, I'd think that Edward would start taking my needs a little more seriously since only the not-so-imminent threat of the Volturi lingered now that Victoria was done for. He refused to take my virginity, and my mortality, unless we were married.

"_**You give me fever…when you kiss me, fever when you hold me tight. Fever! In the morning, and fever all through the night."**_

Yes, he sure does give me fever all hours of the day. I couldn't argue with Peggy Lee.

Deep down, I was honored by his restraint and intent. He just wanted to be chivalrous and romantic instead of being all about meaningless sex. Edward is from a totally different time, before the ad-driven oversexualized society we live in today took over, that gives us more conflicting messages than ever…girls are _still_ told they're not sexual beings, and female sexuality is still feared and we're brainwashed to believe it should be inherently repressed, yet at the same time we have to be sex kittens whose prime goal in life is to get male attention. Marriage is pushed on us more than ever, yet looking at my own parents and those of many of my peers, I know far more divorced people and than happily married couples.

I should be beyond glad that Edward doesn't take stock in any of these schools of thought, or the macho mindsets of his peers. Although thinking of my classmates and regardless of the generational gap, I would think a boy who'd been seventeen for almost a century would have totally railed his way through several women by now, even if he didn't love them or care about them the way he did me. He certainly didn't need help in the looks or the charm department to do so. I am still left speechless that he chose me when he could've had his pick of female vampires as hauntingly beautiful and graceful as Rosalie or Alice, or the billions of mere mortal women far prettier than me out there. Far more speechless that he remained a virgin all this time, to boot.

He's every mother's and marriage-hopeful young girl's dream come true. But I was beyond reasoning to appreciate this true rarity much anymore.

Worse yet, the shame of Edward telling me to stop trying to take my clothes off was scalding me far more than the overactive heater in my truck. The heat was still pooling between my legs from my would-be encounter with him twenty minutes ago. I fought back tears as my mind vividly replayed him forcefully slapping my hand away as I tried to unbutton his shirt. Further depressing me was the thought that my nineteenth birthday was looming, and he would not honor my request to have him change me before I got too old, as he remained forever seventeen.

He asked me to spend the night to avoid braving the storm. Not wanting further torture, I declined. He then offered to drive me back to Charlie's, and that he or Alice would drop my truck off tomorrow. I was totally seething and didn't want his intoxicating scent and god-like body near me to further drive me wild, I figured the drive back in the rain would be the cold shower I desperately needed. _Tease,_ I fumed to myself. _Hold me hostage, my ass. Here I was getting all excited for the things I thought he was going do to me all alone, namely involving that huge bed that's so not being utilized. I was getting all these ideas involving handcuffs, electrical tape, and maple syrup amongst other things…_

The image of Edward pulling the adornment off the cast-iron bed frame and crushing it to dust was burned into my mind and also replaying over and over, illustrating his point that he could quickly and easily end my life if he did make love to me like I wanted him to. Damn it, as amazing as his kisses and touches were, I wanted more. I'm a sexually awakened young woman and I wished he would stop making this so hard for me.

Jacob had caught wind of this a while ago. Subsequently, he was propositioning me constantly: dying to be the first, dying to capitalize on this situation and my personal hell.

Even though my heart doubtlessly belonged to Edward, right now I was debating going to La Push and taking Jacob's offer because my body was negating my conscience, as if kicking out a houseguest who had worn out his welcome. And I can't bear it anymore.

And to think, pushing me farther and just tempting me so by buying that huge bed! What a waste…I was hoping to put it to some serious use and he had the nerve to tell me to stop taking my clothes off. That tease, how dare he not finish what he started. _I think I'll be joining the football team kaffeeklatsch!_ _I just hope Mike doesn't get any ideas._

All those thoughts ran rampant in my head and I wasn't able to see and think straight. I neared the fork in the road where I could decide to impulsively drive to La Push, or head home. The engine was making those clanky noises again as I had to decide to make the turn or not. Seeing as how my truck had less life remaining in it than Al Bundy's Dodge, I figured I shouldn't test the truck's limits and head to La Push, where I would be safe from the Volturi, Edward's cold reactions to my attempts at seduction, and my own klutziness.

"_**Romeo loved Juliet, Juliet she felt the same. When he put his arms around her he said, Julie, Baby, you're my flame, thou giveth fever…"**_

The irony of that verse was not lost on me.

_And hey, I'm driving a truck on the brink of death that may as well be a Dodge, I'm not getting any sex, and I've got the oldies station cranked up: Oh shit, I __am__ Al Bundy._

As the rain continued to pour down and the road got darker, I made the turn but not without some reproach. I mean, did I really want to just use Jacob for sex? It already hurt him as it was to see how much I loved Edward and still held out for him in spite of his long absence, the woeful peal outside the tent when he realized that had imprinted on my brain, and would haunt me forever. Jacob would be ecstatic at the purpose of my visit, but wounded beyond belief upon the later realization that he was a vessel for my displaced lust and want.

I glanced at the silver charm bracelet that adorned my wrist, the tiny russet wolf that was carved with such care, symbolic of the truce between vampires and werewolves, and the crystal heart that was one of the few mementos of Edward's past. A tear-like sparkle in the heart reflected the millions upon millions of rain drops on the darkened road to La Push. _No way, I can't do this to either of them. I'm not one of these frustrated boys on the football team who would do something like this without thinking of the ramifications_.

With that, I abruptly swerved the truck to turn around and head back to the main road. _I should go home and go to sleep. Some alone time would probably be good for me._

As if on cue, a thunderclap that shook the cab split across the sky, almost blinding me. I didn't see the large tree that had fallen into the fork in the road, resultant of the lightning strike. I gasped at the pair of eyes that suddenly stared at me from the middle of road and I couldn't tell through the blackness and driving rain if it was animal, vampire, or werewolf. Not wanting to hit it, I slammed the brakes.

The last thing I recalled was the screeching of the brakes as the shocks gave out, then feeling no pain before all went black.

"_**Fever! Til you sizzle…what a lovely way to burn…what a lovely way to burn…"**_


	2. Chapter 2: Limbo

Cold air and dim lighting greeted me when I finally came to. I was face-to-face with Marcus, Caius, and Aro. I gasped and was paralyzed with fear. This was the end. They'd come for me to seal my fate, as I was still human. Now I'd have no chance to say good-bye to Charlie and Renee, no chance to see Jacob again, no chance to tell Edward "I told you so!"…

With a start, I then realized it was just the pictures on the wall, seeming so much more lifelike in the dim light and my dazed state. The relief dropped my heart from my throat back to my chest. My eyes and brain adjusted, and I saw that I was on a leather couch in Carlisle's office, all alone, and my head was spinning. This surprised me on many counts, namely that I was expecting to wake up in the huge bed with Edward stroking my hair, his arms around me.

I tried to sit up but I felt a sharp pain rip across my chest and my left shoulder that made me cry out. My head was still killing me and the left side of my face felt stiff. What the hell happened?

"Bella! You're awake! You're okay, thank god!" I heard Carlisle's gentle lilt from down the hall, no sound of his footsteps as he gracefully entered his office. His smile lit up the whole room.

"Carlisle? What happened?" I asked weakly. "My shoulder hurts, I can barely move!"

Carlisle's expression was concerned and gentle. "The storm got really out of hand, and a tree fell down in the road. You didn't see it, plus your truck skidded on the wet road, and crashed into it."

_Oh no, Charlie's going to KILL me!_ was the first thought that ran through my head.

Still feeling out of it, I asked, "How did you get back so fast? Does Charlie know? Where's Edward…" before I collapsed back on the couch. The breath I sucked in hurt my chest more.

Carlisle kneeled by the couch and stroked my forehead, pushing my hair back to expose the part of my face that felt stiff. My skin tingled and as he got closer, I couldn't help but notice the outlines of his granite muscular chest through his buttondown. I bit my lip and internally slapped myself.

"You've been out cold for almost an entire day." His presence over me was comforting, and I was glad to be with him in the Cullen stronghold instead of the hospital, where Renee would surely be having a coronary while Charlie plotted to put me on permanent house arrest until I hit menopause. "We've all been so worried, Bella…I was going to give it another day or two before deciding you were in a coma. Oh thank god you've woken up." I tried to move but winced at the pain. "Charlie knows that you're here, I promised to call him if you woke up or made any progress."

He paused to examine the side of my face and his expression darkened. I felt electrified at the feel of his icy fingertips on my cheekbone, and my eyes couldn't help but wander, immediately wanting to look away from his piercing eyes lest I get lost in them. "Edward didn't want to leave your side…but…" he trailed off, not wanting to say what I dreaded he was going to say.

"The newborns are back?" I barely cracked out. Carlisle grimly nodded.

"A new crop that went undetected turned up in Port Angeles, five people were slain in the movie theater…one of them happened to be the mayor! Edward had to join the fight. Most of the pack headed there too…we couldn't not do this." The look on his face was pained, full of anger for the innocents killed for no reason, for me still having to live in fear.

"Everyone else believes it to be the acts of serial killers and mass pandemonium is spreading now that it's gone farther than just Seattle. The entire Forks police force and the rest of the county have been called over there to investigate.

Edward never felt so torn in his life. He didn't want to leave your side…he feels horrible that he broke his promise to you…and he asked me to fight in my place so I could stay behind to make sure you're still alive. When you didn't make it back to Charlie's, he went sick with worry. He brought you here from the crash site once he sensed something was wrong and tracked your scent, so afraid he was going to lose you…" he trailed off again. "But he had to join the fight. He said that he'd take all risks to make sure you never live in fear again."

I could barely process this information. A lot had happened in the last two days, the last one apparently passed by in a comatose blur. All I could remember was the barraging rain, the scalding shame of Edward's rejection, and my unsatisfied yearnings: which was still present.

_Fever…in the morning, fever all through the night._

Such a charming and debonair man, that Carlisle. My eyes half-closed, dizzy from the crash impact and what seemed like narcotics, and I realized how safe I felt alone with him. The man was so compassionate and fatherly, yet he resembled a movie star. Being a supernatural entity was the only logical explanation that someone so beautiful inside and out could exist. He was kneeling so close to me, that my eyes couldn't help but wander from his chiseled features to his perfect chest, then further south…_Don't tell me you're having naughty thoughts about him. Who are you, Bud Bundy? Shame on you,_ my conscience glowered at me.

I kept thinking back to the round table vote we all had about my mortality, where the only parties opposed to transforming me were Edward and Rosalie. Rosalie felt I was going to miss out on too many human experiences, namely having children. Edward flatly and adamantly laid out his terms and conditions to give me the two things I wanted—to lose my virginity and become a vampire—namely, I had to marry him or else he would do neither. Carlisle on the other hand, had a solemn and concerned look in his eye, when he told me he would transform me by the time I graduated high school if Edward still didn't do it, as Alice had offered but he was afraid she would just go mad with bloodlust if she bit me. At the time, I hadn't read anything into it. After all, he'd transformed Edward. Unless he swung both ways, there was clearly nothing sexual to the whole process.

But the way he looked into my eyes when he made his promise…was there something more to it that I hadn't realized at the time? Perhaps it was just me personally, or the fact that this transformation was being planned instead of resulting from a sneak attack. Or maybe it was permanence and exclusivity of these two events; after all, only one person got to take your virginity and only one vampire could change you from mortal to immortal.

Regardless, I associated becoming immortal with losing my virginity. Although the two didn't _have_ to be synonymous— I really wanted them to be. Plain and simple, there was just no turning back from either event. Yet at this stage of the game, it didn't necessarily have to be Edward who did so…

_What the hell are you thinking? Edward is your entire world. Don't you still want him to be the first, to take you in more ways than one? To change you, even though it means a binding legal contract? Don't you at least owe it to Charlie to walk you down the aisle, and to Renee and Alice to plan the big frilly affair?_ I started nodding off. I was filled with so many questions, some that probably didn't have answers, and so much confusion. I had never in my life felt so crushed by indecision.

…_the big frilly affair you don't really want in the first place?_

Trying to stray from the dreaded thoughts of the ridiculous wedding Alice would no doubt plan for me, my inner voice darkly seethed, _But Edward broke a promise. He said he wouldn't get out there and fight, but he did. And have you already forgotten that no matter what he says, and how copiously he apologizes, it doesn't change the fact that he _left_ after your eighteenth birthday._ _And what about what _you_ want for a change? Why should _your_ life keep centering around what other people want for you instead of what _you_ want for you?_

I was so lost in my thoughts and drifting in and out of consciousness as it was, that Carlisle's soothing lilt was barely audible and I could hardly hear or comprehend what he said.

"…and the aches are just whiplash from the impact. You don't appear to have suffered any head trauma, your shoulder is just very bruised, that should ease up within a week or two with some ibuprofen but let me know if you want something stronger." He cleared his throat in a manner that told me he didn't deliver the worst of the news yet. "The piece of the windshield that cut your face luckily didn't cause too much damage."

I gasped. "That's why my face feels numb…you stitched it?" He nodded, and I groaned. Carlisle replied, "You won't have feeling in that area for a while. While you were still knocked out, I stitched it and picked out all the shards of glass."

I faintly touched the line of stitches on my cheekbone, my fingertips were aware of it but I couldn't feel anything underneath them. On the shiny glass of the picture frame on the wall, I could glimpse my reflection. While the stitch wasn't as grotesque as I imagined it would be, it gave me a harsher appearance as if I were an old world rogue or pirate. I smiled to myself. _Most girls would be freaking out over this. It's nothing compared to the stitches I needed in my head that time I crashed my motorcycle…which I wouldn't have gotten on in the first place had Edward never left._

Carlisle's cool hand touched my cheek, and I felt my cheeks turn red despite how cold his skin was. His graceful finger ran over my line of stitches that were sewn with care, and it was more responsive than when my own fingers grazed it. He grinned. "With your track record, those stitches should be out in no time, providing nothing else happens to you that would require new ones. I think I've had to patch you up more than anyone else who has ever been in my care." Well, I didn't doubt that. I've been on a first-name basis with almost everyone on Forks Hospital's staff ever since I got here.

I suddenly recalled my last foray with Carlisle picking glass shards out of me: my disastrous eighteenth birthday, when the scent of my blood drove everyone in the room hypnotically insane with thirst. All but Carlisle, who had spent centuries desensitizing himself to the scent of human blood in order to help others and show that vampires could live another way. It was beyond me how such a compassionate creature with self-discipline that fortuitous could be viewed as inherently evil.

Like yesterday, I remembered the way he carefully and gently pulled all the glass shards out of my arm, one by one, as he told me that he didn't feel a burning and uncontrollable thirst around a bleeding person because of how he felt about saving people to atone for what he'd done in the past. The way he told me not to look at my grievous wound and how his eyes locked on mine, that gentle hand on my face…

_If self-sacrifice, selflessness, and concern for others makes you evil, I'll just get an express ticket to hell then_. Most people atone for their wrongdoings to the extent of breaking even…he chose to continue providing healing and compassion to others for the rest of his existence. Then again, he wasn't human, let alone in the category of "most people".

I found myself staring at his hands, the same hands that healed my wounds more than once, and reveled in their perfection. His long, graceful fingers ended in immaculate nails, the flesh taut over his knuckles. My mind suddenly conjured up images of those perfect hands on my breasts, heading lower…trailing up my skirt, eventually holding me down on his desk…

"_**Deliver me from evil…it's hard to say no…"**_

_What in the fuck are you THINKING?!_ my conscience outrightly yelled at me. _Sure, they may not be technically blood-related, but he's still Edward's father. His _married_ father, mind you…married to Esme, who's been more of a mother to you than Renee has._

My eyes trailed to Carlisle's gorgeous face, so close to me.

"_**My path leads to temptation. I never wanted anything more than this in my life! Not wanted, not needed…temptation."**_

He had that ethereal beauty all vampires possess, magnified by his truly empathetic soul. I was still recalling when he pulled the glass out of my arm and how he was so in control, the way his hands felt on my arm, his intoxicating breath as he stood over me…

_How could you have possibly given Edward the whole speech about not being one of those redneck girls who marries the first man who knocks her up, god that was a lame excuse…when here you are, fantasizing about a married man, whoops, I mean married vampire father figure. And you are having some serious thoughts about seducing him? Darling, you are really no better than your average Senator or Congressman._

Carlisle snapped me out of my naughty thoughts, and I felt so relieved that I was immune to mind-reading abilities. "Bella? Are you going back to sleep?"

I shook my head, relieved I was still able to do so. I moved to get up off the couch but the pain that went through my entire back was a long, sharp shock that almost made me cry out again.

Concern spread across his face again, but I spoke before he could. "It hurts everywhere. I need an ice pack…"

"_**Desire burns me from inside…it leeches onto me…"**_

Finishing my sentence for me, "…and we're naturally cold." He pushed his sleeves up, revealing those strong forearms that were totally giving me more ideas, and said "Just show me where it hurts the most."

_I'm going to hell for sure if I point THAT out to you…though I just may…you totally asked for it._

Wait a minute, was it really necessary to put his hands on me to begin with? _He IS asking for it. Or he's just trying to help you…don't read into it. Yet._

In a painful fit, I sat up halfway so I could feel his freezing hands on my battered shoulder. I looked over and saw a small spot of congealed blood on my right arm, and realized that my tank top had brown splatters of dried blood on it. I guess he wanted to sugarcoat how bad the impact really was…and no wonder everyone else was off to fight, they would not have been able to stand being near my blood, even dried.

Much to my chagrin, instead of relief his touch only hurt it further. I involuntarily jerked upright and it brought me within inches of his body.

"_**I wish upon a shining star, as the flame takes all control: I watch it eat my soul. The path that leads to temptation:**_ _**I never wanted anything more than this in my life."**_


	3. Chapter 3: Purgatory

"Are you sure my rib's not broken?"

Carlisle had no choice but to stare me down, at my bloodstained top, and see that I clearly wasn't wearing a bra. My hard nipples were almost touching him, my face just inches from his. I felt that stirring inside me, and I wanted him to just take me.

"Maybe sore, but not broken…" His voice quavered as his breathing got heavy. Did I just imagine that?

No, I didn't just imagine that he started breathing heavier. The room, the entire voluminous house was so quiet, that my own increasing heartbeat sounded like an army contingent. I tensed up under his imminent closeness, dying for him to touch me.

_Bella? Oh no you don't…you are not seducing this man…_

_Why the hell not?_

_Because you love Edward and Esme? And the last thing you need to deal with is the entire clan suddenly turning on you so the Volturi will be the least of your worries and you'll be d-e-a-d in an instant?_

_But I've been waiting for this forever! If I don't do something now, it's never going to happen—I'll be a thirty-year-old virgin who's forever dodging the Volturi, while Edward's still seventeen insisting I live out the aging experiences he never got to have. Thirty-year-old virgin be damned: more like _eighty_-year-old virgin, remember that awful nightmare?_

_Besides, just _look_ at this man: most girls my age have their first time drunk on a ping pong table at a frat house, five minutes behind the dumpster on prom night, or two minutes of kiss, kiss, paw, groan, BAM! in the backseat of a car with another seventeen-year-old human boy who got all his warped ideas from porno movies and misplaced "advice" from his equally clueless friends. Instead I can have my first time with this beautiful non-human who's had centuries of practice! _

In one more weak attempt to make me resist temptation, my conscience squeaked out, _What do you have to gain from this._

_This is the chance of a lifetime…I read in Cosmo that men don't think straight during sex. I can convince him to make me a vampire…now. I could have immortality by_ tonight. _But I don't want to fuck him just to get what I want. I am genuinely ready, and have been lethally horny for months on end. Even if he won't make me a vampire, I still want him. I feel the tension in the room…I know it's not just me…he wants me too…knowing how wrong this is, is just too hot. God I want to rip his clothes off._

The tiny voice in the back of mind halted, as the lust that clouded my brain completely suffocated my conscience. Was that a wicked smile that just lit up my face?

_Sore but not broken? God, I hope that's how you leave me tonight._ I saw his hand shake, and he moved closer. No, I was _not_ imagining this…I licked my lips and reached out to him, dying to be swept up in those strong arms and madly taken. _You promised me, after graduation…are you ready to change me in more ways than one?_

He retained his gentle expression but his eyes had darkened with this spontaneous lust. But I could see the torment written across his face, as his bestial and carnal side vied with his moral reasoning.

"But Bella…what about Edward…"

I lifted a finger to his perfectly sculpted lips. "Edward can't keep doing this to me. I get all excited for the main event, thinking it's going to happen…then it just doesn't, he keeps withholding." The relief was magnanimous with my confession.

"I've been waiting to become one of you for so long. I graduated now…you made your promise to change me since Edward refused to do it initially because he felt I was being rash about the permanence of this decision. Now he tells me he won't do it unless I marry him." I sighed. "He tells me that he could kill me if we have sex because he will thirst for my blood beyond belief, and lose all control. But I think it's just morally superior crap from his generation and he's trying to get me all hot and bothered just so I'll marry him sooner. I don't want to get married under those pretenses." Carlisle's eyes were locked on mine, hanging on to my every word. I could see understanding in his eyes. "I appreciate his intent and am impressed with his restraint, but I can't go on like this. He doesn't understand that I don't want us to be just another statistic like my parents were. And namely, we shouldn't marry just so that the sex can supposedly be more meaningful…my self-control is completely done for." I lowered my voice in the hopes of sounding seductive. "I don't think he has any idea how crazy he's driven me and how ready I am."

Carlisle took a moment to digest my confession. He gently responded with, "Views on marriage have changed greatly through time. But he still lives in the 1940s. I respect your point of view and think that you're quite mature to realize that sex alone is no reason to marry." He paused and his eyes seemed far away, in spite of them searing into me with yearning. "However, Edward's not lying, he really could potentially kill you. When sexual hunger and bloodlust meld together, it is a lethal combination for the poor unsuspecting human trapped by the vampire. It's instinctual and unavoidable. But he's not desensitized to human blood…"

His voiced trembled for a second. "…or to a man's needs for that matter, like I am." His eyes bore into my chest, surveying both my breasts and the dried blood. I could see this carnal being emerging from his gentle, fatherly persona; resultant of being faced with his darkest desires.

His hand suddenly pressed down on my shoulder and though it was icy, I felt hot and no longer cared about the pain. "He also has never had the chance to go beyond seventeen. I am a man on the other hand. He will not only lack in self-control, but also in technique." I couldn't believe my ears. _Holy shit._ Was he implying that he could really satisfy me, and Edward wouldn't?

I suddenly didn't care that this was wrong and immoral, and fuck consequences with a capital F. Right now, the only male that seemed to exist in the world to me was Carlisle. From the way he stared down at me with labored breathing, I think I just convinced him not to care either. This amazing man was showing me a side of himself that I didn't even know existed. He always seemed so chaste and caring…he now seemed lust-driven and bloodthirsty. And I was never turned on so much in my entire life.

_Kiss me dammit_, my insides screamed. _Put your hands on me…anywhere you want…_

Carlisle seemed to be reading my thoughts, and it looked as though he was going to push me back down onto the couch, but the whiplash got the better of me and I yelped. He profusely apologized, and got back to his kneeling position, and gently caressed my shoulders, my arms. He lingered at the blood congealed on my arm, staring temptation right in the face. Wordlessly, he got up and took an antiseptic wipe out of one of his first aid kits and removed the offending spot. I reveled in the icy cool touch.

He knelt back down and his piercing eyes bore into mine, and I felt an animalistic stirring deep within me. I pulled him to me, my entire body tingling. He was resistant at first, morality at war with baser instincts.

"Please." I softly begged. _Fuck, my jeans are already soaked._

"No…we can't…we shouldn't…" he stammered, but I could tell he was losing the battle because my imploring tone was turning him on. _Now to win the war._ I stared at him with pleading eyes and he gave in.

With the offending bloodstain gone, he ran several soft kisses up and down my arms, the smooth feel of his lips was so cold yet was like warm rain. He brushed his lips against my wrist, and a low hiss escaped his throat. It felt totally fucking surreal, not to mention amazing. _I've waited long enough for this._

"_**Forgive her: for she knows not what she does."**_


	4. Chapter 4: Transgression

In a move that would make Samantha Jones proud, I gazed at Carlisle with hooded eyes and caressed his chest with my fingertips. I breathily sighed sotto voce, "Doctor, I've got this severe ache all over me. It hurts everywhere. Every inch of my body…especially inside me." A smile played about his sensual lips, his eyes an inky hue from desire.

My fingers roamed from the collar of his shirt down to the waistband of his pants. _Holy fuck, I can't believe I'm actually doing this._ They stopped at his belt buckle, where he took my hand in his…mine small and warm, his large and cold. He kissed my fingertips and let out a low chuckle. Even just the feel of his lips on my fingers was burning my loins to a toasty crisp. A penny left in the backseat of a car during a Phoenix summer couldn't even compete with the heat I was feeling.

"Patience, darling, patience. It's obvious you've never done this before."

My face flamed bright red and I could see this pleased him. "No, I haven't," I cracked out in a voice that made me feel like I was eight, not eighteen. _So much for my Kathleen Turner impression!_

He chuckled again. "I happen to be a very patient teacher."

_If you're the teacher, then I want detention every day for the rest of my life. And I hope it involves short plaid skirts and a special ruler…not to mention lots of spanking!_

"And I quite like that you're new to this." His hand was on my leg. "You're so bold, then so shy…god, I love it," he sighed. "But rushing will do you no good. Now, what's this about this ache you have?"

"I seriously think my rib is broken," I feebly replied, not even bothering to attempt a sultry voice. "My shoulder's killing me! And the side of my head still hurts from where I assume it crashed into the windshield…"

Concern went back into Carlisle's eyes as he went from the old-world ladykiller back to the fatherly doctor. He touched the area that I was pretty sure had a broken rib and I yelled out in pain. It merged with the pleasure that resulted from his fingertips almost grazing my breasts.

"I'm sorry…so sorry…maybe the x-ray didn't catch it, or it's just soreness."

I needed those expert hands on me like crops need rain. I unintentionally lowered my voice. "Then there's the matter of the other ache…" Black eyes met mine as did a sanguine smile.

"Tell me all about it."

"It's on the inside…of me…"

"Where on the inside?"

"You know." I was blushing like a fucking idiot by now. But I could tell he was loving every second of this. _This is so, so wrong…but god damn it, it feels so _right.

His voice was low and smooth with seduction. "Well, I can't quite look inside you…so why don't you show me where it _doesn't_ hurt."

Just the sound of his voice, as this animalistic side of him emerged, was making me wet. Just like I fantasized, those perfect hands were going to go wherever I wanted…

Remembering that he was turned on by me being bold one minute and shy the next, I replied in a small voice, "Here…" I led his left hand to my thigh, getting excited but not quite ready for him to do the things I'd been dying to do as of late. "Over here." I put his other hand on my right breast, the side of my body that hurt the least. I felt his chest heave with his aroused sighs, and he seemed possessed. I lowered my voice to a whisper, even though I had no fedora to remove and we weren't on a U-boat, and Bold Bella returned with a vengeance. "And right here." With that, I raised my lips to his.

Rather than the wanton kisses that resulted in violently pulling away as I was used to, Carlisle kissed with far more gentility and skill. Much to my lustful delight, he didn't stop or suddenly pull away. He was clearly in no rush. Much to my disappointment, he removed his hands from where I put them. I was afraid he was going to try and be moral about things again. Then my disappointment turned to glee when he simply put his arms around my waist, gently cradling me against his body and the couch to avoid further bruising my collision-worn body. I tightened my embrace on him, one hand caressing the back of his neck while I ran my fingers through his flaxen hair in a fit of passion. I kissed him harder and he gently prodded into my mouth, sucking on my tongue. The beast inside him completely alive and well, and suddenly he kissed me with much more ardor, his hand resting on my thigh. I heard a soft groan underneath it all. I was dying for him to put his hand where I needed it the most. He was possessed by lust, but retained the gentleness I always associated with him.

We stopped to breathe for a minute. I was dizzy with pleasure, and knew my panties were completely soaked by now. Carlisle placed light, feathery kisses on my stitch, and my cheekbones, before he stopped to softly kiss my lips again. He heaved a massive sigh. "If I may...I think that new bed should go to use."

I meekly nodded, in a trance. I couldn't think about anything except how badly I wanted him inside me, how long I'd been ready, how lucky I was that it would be with such a kind and handsome man.

In one fell swoop, Carlisle gently took me in his arms and carried me to Edward's bedroom. I didn't even care to think about the rejection that took place in this very room, and very bed. Nothing else mattered to me right now. I felt no pain in his icy but strong arms, my face content resting against his rock hard diamond chest.

Ever so gently, as if he were handling fine china, he laid me down on the bed, making sure none of my battered parts were hurt. He got into the bed with me, his fingertips cold and smooth upon my face, and brought me into another deep kiss. A burning tightness in my chest floated downward, exploding into a molten sea of wetness. Then he spoke.

"I'll be as gentle with you as possible, Bella. Please tell me if I'm hurting you in any way."

"Yes." I was complacent, melting under his touch in spite of his frozen body. "Break me, in more ways than one," I licentiously whispered in his ear, then nibbled on his earlobe. My hand reached down to caress the hardness I felt on my thigh, he groaned in response and his grip on me tightened. I could tell my words turned him on as much as my actions did. Then he moved my hand away and placed a finger on my lips.

"There's no need to rush here. Oh, I'm going to take my time with you."

Worry crept into my voice. "But what if they come back?"

His gentle tone was reassuring, as he covered my neck and collarbone with light feathery butterfly kisses. "It's okay, no one else is around. We're all alone." He kissed my lips again. "They won't be back for a while." _This is working out all too perfectly._

"I don't mean to sound full of myself, but you're quite fortunate to let me be the first." _Goddamnit, even in the supernatural they use that "let" bullshit? Oh COME ON!_ "I won't hurt you I swear…I'm a man, not a teenage boy who can't control himself. You're safe with me, you don't have to question if you'll still be alive when this is over. Your pleasure comes first, and I'm in no rush."

Carlisle moved the straps of my tank top aside, moving his lips from my neck to my shoulders, then his cold hands shifted underneath my top, removing it. I almost cried out as he replaced his caressing hands with his mouth, his kisses lowering from my collarbone to my breasts, then he took my erect nipple into his mouth. I arched my back and sighed, flinching when my battered shoulder hit into the bedpost. The pain quickly subsided when I felt a massive swell of pleasure as he pushed my breasts together to simultaneously lick both of my nipples. "Bite them," I beckoned, dying for more. He gladly obliged, alternating between licking, biting, and sucking until I moaned his name out loud.

In a frenzy, I pulled out of this position and crushed my lips against his, reveling in the icy rock hard perfection that was his entirety. I deftly moved my hands down to unbutton his shirt, and he was definitely not stopping me as I undid about half them with my hands and the other half with my teeth. Hearing his pleased sighs as I ran my hands down his perfect marble chest, kissed his neck, and gently bit his chest, was pleasing me just as much. I reached down to remove my jeans but he then placed his hand over mine and dictated in a throaty whisper, "Good things come to those who wait…and come you certainly will." I felt my knees shake. His tongue was on my neck, my heart racing.

First he had been so reluctant to do this, and now he was totally in control. God this was better than I could have possibly imagined. He took my hand, even that small gesture felt so sensual. "Now…how bad do you want it?" he hotly whispered in my ear, then placing a few gentle kisses on my neck, and I thought I would combust. With that, I helped him remove his shirt as he then guided my hand to his erection and showed me how he wanted me to stroke it.

I never felt anything so hard in my entire life. I was getting further excited, but a little scared as well. What if I couldn't take him? What if it really hurt? Was it possible for human males to be this hard?

With one hand around me on the small of my back and the other stroking my left breast, Carlisle deeply kissed me again as I kept stroking him through his pants. Unable to bear the anticipation anymore, I undid his belt which crashed to the floor.

_Not rushing is one thing…but this is just torture!_

He didn't protest. Next thing I knew, I was helping him out of his pants and boxers, and with deft, feathery touches, he removed my jeans.

This was the first time I had ever been this exposed to a man. I felt so vulnerable, yet so at ease. The sheer wrongness of it all just seemed to make it even more arousing, the puppet master of lust having some serious fun with us. In the back of my mind, I could hear the dark and sensual music that I believed to be the theme song of every abnormal teenage girl who was just starting to be sexually awakened.

"_**A cross upon her bedroom wall…from grace, she will fall."**_

I was expecting him to yank my panties off in one fell swoop and I was dying for him to. I moved my hand down to take them off myself, but he stopped me. The intensity of his kisses increased as he placed my hand around his bare cock. It was like a stone covered in flesh, beautiful taut flesh that was cold, smooth, and diamond-like yet radiated throbbing heat. The wetness continued to pool in me as my hands caressed and explored his turgid manhood.

With that, his hands lowered to my panties but he didn't remove them. He intensely kissed my neck, and I felt the flicker of fangs against my throat, divining what he was going to make of me eventually. I thought I was going to die of anticipation as his hard cock rested against my thigh, teasing me, as he moved my hands away. His hand spread over my panties, and he stroked my soft, wet slit through them with those perfect skilled fingers. I softly moaned and beckoned him to go further, and entwined my arms around his strong, broad shoulders. He took my breast in his mouth again, licking and sucking, and he pushed my hand away when I tried to stroke him and huskily whispered, "A real man puts your pleasure first, not his. I've got to give all my attention to bringing you to your proper boiling point…" Silver moonlight flooded through the window, highlighting his smile, his eyes alight with both lust and compassion. I still couldn't believe such a devastatingly handsome man was doing this to me. I lost all touch with reality when his fingers pushed past the thin lace of my panties, and he was touching my raw flesh.

"_**An image burning in her mind, and between her thighs…"**_

Carlisle's skillful, velvety touch was definitely not that of a hormone-addled teenage boy. He gently pried me apart, indulging in my wetness, clearly pleased and flattered he got me so excited. My breathing got heavier as he found my clit and rubbed it, starting out slowly then building up a rhythm. I clasped my hands in his flaxen hair and stroked the back of his neck. "Oh Carlisle…god you're the best…" I moaned. I was hoping I wouldn't cum right then. No way, not before the main event.

He pushed his fingers inside me and I hotly responded. I tightened my clasp around his neck and almost leaned back, unconscious of the whiplash. At this point, I could feel no pain. He let out this guttural sound that just got me hotter, as he buried his face in my breasts. "So tight…so fucking tight…" he groaned. This had to be the wettest I had ever been in my life. I knew I was ready to take him. I think he knew it was time too.

Carlisle deftly removed my panties and tossed them to the floor. The moon shone brighter into the room, and glinted off his enormous manhood, desire emblazoned on his flawless face. I was both excited and scared at the realization that he was about to place that thick erect cock inside me. I laid back as best as I could without inducing pain, wearing nothing but my charm bracelet and a wanting expression as I spread my legs for him. The look on Carlisle's face turned to one of pure carnality, only slightly softened by his gentle persona. For a long time, he gazed at my naked body illuminated by the moon, occasionally stroking himself. "You have to be the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my entire life," he softly moaned. He moved his body onto mine, took his face in my hands, and tenderly kissed my lips again. I felt his big dick against me, the tip of its hardness on my inner thigh, ready to sate my burning thirst for his expert touch.

"_**A dying god-man, full of pain…when will you cum again? Before him beg to serve or please, on your back or knees…"**_

"Are you ready?" I nodded. "You sure you want to do this?"

I embraced Carlisle with ferocity and kissed him back, pressing my erect nipples into his chest, and whispered in his ear, "Yes. I want you to take me, to make me both a grown woman and a vampire. I want you to do it." I paused to kiss him again, nibbling his earlobe and the back of his neck, which he seemed to get really turned on by. "I don't think I ever wanted anything as bad in my life as you inside me. _Je ne regrette rien_." We tenderly and deeply kissed again, his hands at my hips. Knowing that we hit the point of no return, he placed my left leg around his hip and the right one spread out as far as possible. I felt the tip of his hard manliness probe my beckoning slit.

"_**There's no forgiveness for her sins…prefers punishment? Would you suffer eternally…"**_

My thighs and teeth clenched as he pushed it inside me.

"…_**or internally?"**_

I screamed out as I was taken over by the most exquisite and overpowering composite of pain and pleasure that I'd ever felt in my entire life. Carlisle let out a few low guttural growls as he broke me in with a few skilled thrusts that tore my tight and resisting flesh. The pain was so intense and I was not at all prepared for it. I cried out and in an attempt to catch the pain, I bit his shoulder. Judging by the sounds he made, I could tell he was dying of pleasure.

"Carlisle…that hurts…yet it feels so good…"

Keeping his promise not to hurt me, he regained his composure and slowed down. He kissed my lips tenderly as we were one, but I pulled away. "Don't stop though."

"Passionate little thing, aren't you?" he coaxed as he spread my legs further apart. "Perhaps this way won't hurt so bad." He reached for my other leg to wrap around his body.

He was so big and I was so tight. The movements were gentle yet so rough. He was hard where I was soft. He was so lithe and skilled while I was clumsy, awkward, and inexperienced. The sheer contrasts turned me on to no end, despite the pain from the shock of his first entry.

Carlisle's breathing hastened and he was warmly kissing my breasts and collarbone. I clasped my hands around his neck and raised myself to kiss his lips, he gently bit my lip as he thrusted his hardness rhythmically inside me, before accepting my tongue. Our tongues entwined and I never wanted this moment to end.

With my legs wrapped about him, I was able to perfectly meet his thrusts by bucking my hips up against him. My arms encircled around his broad shoulders, I dug my nails in his back as I beckoned him to fuck me harder. He was only too glad to do so. His body pressed further into mine, his thick cock madly pulsing inside me with each thrust that I returned, his grunting and groaning being equated by my moaning and panting. I tightened my legs around his body, and had he been a mortal man, my nails would have drawn blood. My tight walls that had known no other man constricted around him, and I screamed his name over and over as our bodies moved in perfect rhythm with each other.

"Oh god, Bella, oh god…I haven't felt anything like this in centuries…cum with me darling…oh god please cum with me…"

It was like hitting the highest pinnacle on a roller coaster. In spite of all the thrills and swerves, the best part was coming but albeit it would happen fast. Carlisle kept fucking me harder as I met all his moves one for one, firmly wrapped around him. Our breathing become labored as he moved in and out of me faster and faster, and I felt my limbs turn to jelly in spite of my iron grasp.

We shifted upright so that we were face to face, me mounted on him, his powerful thrusts continuing, his hands cool against my back as he held me against him in this passionate entwinement. Suddenly he kept thrusting into this spot that made me scream every time, and I begged him not to stop. God, he was amazing, and definitely not just talking himself up when he said I was lucky to have him be my first. What the hell was he _doing_ that brought me so much pleasure?

Then it dawned on me.

_So, in addition to vampires and werewolves, it appears the G-spot is also not a myth! Forks is definitely a mysterious vortex, I tell you what. And leave it to a doctor who's had over 300 years of practice to really know his way around a woman's bits._

I felt him harden and I knew he was going to cum soon. As his orgasm was evident, that hardness kept hitting that deliciously wonderful spot while he stroked my pouting clit with his free hand. I thought I was going to die from pleasure.

Then he released, and I felt warm as he came inside me, while my own double orgasm burst my world into a million scintillating pieces. I literally couldn't see straight.

Slick with sweat, I caressed his back, it reminded me of cool marble after rain. Carlisle pulled out, and it made me feel strangely empty. He caught his breath as did I, his gentle and tender side present once again. We kissed, and I caressed the back of his neck as he stroked my breasts. His eyes were a mellow bronze, fully satiated.

"To say that was incredible is an understatement," he murmured into my ear, stroking my hair, and he lovingly ran his fingertip over the scar on my face. I was still catching my breath, replaying the most amazing experience of my life in my head over and over again. He made me feel like a grown woman, not a child to be talked down to, and as if I were the most beautiful and desirable woman in the entire world. More than that, he made me feel beyond satisfied and _whole_.

Suddenly, I felt something warm and sticky dripping down my thigh. Confused, I pulled my legs apart again and Carlisle pulled back so he could inspect too, and suddenly his eyes were burning black. I gasped at what I saw.

Blood, and lots of it.


	5. Chapter 5: Submission

_Aw fuck. Don't tell me it's that time now, of all fucking times!_ I tried to think straight for a minute. _Wait a minute, I don't think I'm due for another two weeks…_

Then I remembered my health teacher telling us in sex ed that many girls bled after their first time, or even the first two or three times. That it just happens with some girls and others just don't bleed at all. The teacher said that if you saw blood after your first few times, don't panic because it's normal. _Assuming that the man giving it to you ISN'T a vampire, that is. I truly wonder what it's like to lead a normal life. _Having not been cognizant at all the last few hours, I had forgotten there was a possibility of it happening.

No wonder Edward wanted to wait. I was bleeding profusely, there's no way he would have been able to control himself…because right now, even Carlisle was wavering, his breathing heavy and labored, which startled me the most. If he wouldn't be able to control himself, no one else in their world would.

His face was etched with lust, panic, and concern. He could control himself around human blood flawlessly most of the time, because he wanted to heal others and was often in the public eye while doing so. But naked in this bed with just me, having spent hours pleasuring each other and breaking me, it was a whole different story.

After all, this blood was not the product of wounds or imminent death.

My moral compass had already been blown far off course for the past two days. If I wanted to achieve immortality, I was just going to have to work this to my advantage, and just plain not feel bad for what I was about to do.

_It's time for it to be all about me, and what I want for a change._

"Go ahead," I beckoned. "It's only your instincts…and you'll know what to expect when you bite me."

Hypnotized by the scent of my blood, Carlisle threw my leg over his shoulder. He kissed the crook of my knee, and continued to lick and kiss further up my thighs. I was mesmerized at the sight of him licking the red stream that flowed down my thigh, pooling at the searing delta between my legs, as he satisfied himself in a way that he hadn't been able to do in centuries.

I was getting turned on and raring to go again when he went from calm and sweet to roughly pulling my legs apart. He worked his way back to my burning sex, sore from him taking me, and hungrily licked my blood. Before I realized it, Carlisle laid me flat on my back, my legs wrapped around his neck, and I was losing all touch with reality.

His skilled tongue rolled over the opening of my wet pussy, as he staunched my blood with his lips and fingers. With two fingers pushed inside me, he spread me open to lick and suck on my engorged clit. He moved his fingers in and out with me in perfect rhythm to both pleasure me and stop the blood, and he licked my sore clit even harder. My fingers tangled in his perfect flaxen hair, pressing him deeper into me as he tongue-fucked me raw and I moaned his name.

My clit overstimulated, my juices spilled out, commingling with the ferrous vapor trail of my fresh blood to intoxicate him into submission. Covered in sweat, I sat up and caught my breath. He still looked possessed but was starting to come to, his eyes no longer black. The gentle Carlisle returned and he cradled me in his arms. The taste of my juices on his lips drove me insane.

I stroked the back of his neck and moved my other hand down, and thought about returning the favor even though I was sure I'd do so clumsily, what with a poor gag reflex and all. _Maybe I should've paid attention when Lauren and Jessica were having blowjob talk. Although_ _he did say he was a patient teacher. Besides, what's the worst that could happen if I do poorly? I wouldn't mind if he kept me for detention._

I hungrily brought my lips to his, and stroked his throbbing cock. He shuddered with pleasure and was completely hard again. His strong arms around me, he tried to shift his body to mine so I could mount him, but I protested. I kissed and gently bit his neck, then his shoulders. As I caressed his chest, Carlisle pressed me against himself and gutturally sighed, knowing what awaited.

I made my way to his perfect cock, and held it in my hands. I ran several kisses up and down his shaft and slowly licked it. He was stroking my hair, not urging me to do anything I felt awkward doing.

With that, I enclosed as much of his cock as I could with my mouth. I kept pulling it in and out, pressing down with my lips the entire time. Wrapping my tongue around the head, I sucked and pressed my lips harder. I felt his fingers lightly pull my hair as he hissed in pleasure.

Carlisle pulled my hair harder as I put his throbbing manhood as far back into my mouth as possible, sucking harder each time. His breathing was labored, he hardened again, and I knew he'd climax any minute now.

A few pearls of semen were against my lips, then he took care of finishing the job. _So I may now be an adulterer, a temptress, and a homewrecker, but I still have enough dignity not to swallow. _

I had him in my power now. He was going to make me one of them now that he had gotten a taste of my blood. He had to make good on his promise now: I graduated high school, turned eighteen, sated his desires, gave him my virginity, and the blood that was the product of our intense lovemaking. There's no way he could welsh on our deal now.


	6. Chapter 6: Corollary

Suddenly a little light flooded into the room. I glanced at the window and saw that it was now breaking dawn. _And I thought the phrase "fucked until the sun came up" liberally thrown around on HBO was just a figure of speech_, I mused to myself.

The sky was deep blue-gray with tinges of red flanking its edges, as the moon receded to make way for the sun that would rise within the hour. The red rays of light were reminiscent of Carlisle passionately deflowering me as I finally caved in to my carnal needs.

More light shed on the massive bed and the beautiful man still in it. My blood was vivid against the sheets, and although I couldn't smell it, I'm sure that the rest of the household probably could. The entire room had this distinct smell I couldn't quite place.

Carlisle kissed my lips again, and wrapped my body around his in a tender embrace. His hold seemed so fatherly and loving, a complete contrast from the torrid, animalistic side of him I had the pleasurable surprise of getting to know the last few hours.

His lips were against my throat and I felt the sharp tickle of fangs again, which made my heart race. "So are you sure you want to be changed now?"

Arching myself as best as I could between us, I replied, "I think I unknowingly said good-bye to who I was two days ago."

We fiercely kissed again. He held out my wrist and I felt a chill that was both terrifying and exciting. "I have to bite all of your pulse points. The faster the venom spreads, the better."

The thought of him biting me was turning me on to no end, in addition to my undying excitement at finally becoming immortal. I elicited a wicked smile.

"All this talk of biting is getting me hot again. Maybe before you change me...we should make love one more time? In case I don't feel this anymore as a vampire?"

Without a word, our lips met, his hands gentle yet rough on my sore breasts. He was able to enter me more easily this time, although it still slightly hurt. His thrusts were slow and rhythmic at first, then became harder and faster. My nails digging into his shoulders, I eventually begged for mercy from all the soreness and simultaneous pleasure. We came together, this time just as amazing as the last. Carlisle held my face in his hands, and gently bit my lip. His magnificent flesh sparkled as the sun broke through the red clouds and flooded the room with molten light.

"Now's the time. Your heart's beating so fast." He sighed and seemed pleased. He was about to put his fangs to my neck when he suddenly froze, and strongly gripped my wrists.

"Stop it, you're hurting me!" Carlisle relinquished his hold and looked apologetic, but not before he put his finger to my lip. Then I heard the footsteps, and a door creaking.

It sounded like Rosalie and Emmett were coming up the stairs.

I froze in panic. We hadn't thought about this…_Come to think of it, you haven't thought about ANYTHING rational in the past 48 hours, Miss Swan_, my conscience's condescending re-emergence blared.

We frantically searched for our clothes and struggled to quickly get dressed. And how to dispose of the evidence? I tore the sheets off the bed and tried to stuff them into my backpack. Much to my chagrin, I saw that my blood had leaked through to the mattress. There'd be no hiding it now…what would I tell Edward? _Um, I'm a klutzy dumbass who cut myself on the cast-iron headboard and I had nowhere else to bleed?_ In spite of my tendency to get hurt by something as blunt as a sandwich, he'd never buy it. Especially not with the pattern the blood made…

Carlisle and I were fully dressed again and I was debating if I should face the music, or wuss out and hide in his closet. I pulled the bedspread over the bed, to hide the blood pattern.

All the prurient pleasure of the past couple hours made me forget the worst part of all this.

"Rosie? I smell blood… I think it's coming from Edward's room…" Then it dawned on him. "Oh shit, did Edward…?!"

I forgot that vampires have noses like freakin K-9 units.

And that I smell especially appetizing to them. If a tiny papercut drove this whole house insane, then I was really in deep shit now.

I also forgot that Edward was out with them, and would want to go back to his room, and in the three nanoseconds that followed, I was going to be faced with one of the most unforgettable facial expressions in my life.

Edward threw his door open from his side, flanked by an incredulous Rosalie and Emmett. He surveyed the room that looked just about the same as when he left, but with me standing upright and not incapacitated on the couch. I saw relief. Then I saw the realization as he glanced around the room, first at me and Carlisle looking halfway presentable…

…then at Carlisle's belt that was still laying on the floor, and the bloodied bedsheets in my pack that I hadn't zipped all the way. The expression I stared into was going to haunt me the rest of my life. How do I face this? What do I say?

"Bed Bath & Beyond sent me yet another fifty coupons in the mail. New sheets are on me…!" I giggled feebly, while Edward glared at me, his eyes boring into me, not wanting to hear whatever explanation I could've possibly offered, as Rosalie and Emmett gaped at Carlisle in utter disbelief.

_Now I know how Bill Clinton must've felt…_

**THE END**

…**or is it?**


	7. Chapter 7: Reprieve

**Your wish is my command, my pretties. The next installment of suspenseful wrongdoing is here!**

**And guess what? This isn't the last of it either!**

**Picking up exactly where we left off, better yet. Now you already saw my long-winded intro in Chapter 1, so you know the drill and what my font styles mean. And you already know that the younguns shouldn't be reading this not just because of the oblong yellow citruses present along with other adult situations, but also because they totally won't get most of the jokes and allusions laced through the whole thing. (Including humor arising out of said adult situations.) Not Rated M for nothing, dollface. ;)**

**Twilight (R) and all respective characters property of Stephenie Meyer.**

**"I Hate My Guts" property of Kill Your Idols**

"**Guilty As Hell" property of Black Sabbath**

**"Shell Shock" property of New Order**

"**Black" property of Drain STH**

"**You're in Love" property of Ratt**

(Metal fans- don't you worry…TON makes one hell of a reprise eventually.)

**Chapter 7: Reprieve**

Three pairs of eyes were upon us, awaiting an explanation. After my pathetic joke, I was frozen in place. I was totally unable to move or speak. Edward's eyes blazed suddenly in Carlisle's direction, not mine.

"She didn't want to hold out anymore, Edward. It was time." This man was unbelievably calm. He was back to the Carlisle I had known since that fated day Tyler's van almost crushed me, not one iota of the secretly primal creature within was evident. I wondered if the others were aware that beneath the genteel exterior, lain a carnal entity that I had the unforgettable pleasure of experiencing. Pleasure that may or may not have been worth the price.

Rosalie and Emmett were speechless. Edward was utterly livid. His lips had turned white, almost camouflaging with the rest of his pale visage, his eyes blazing pure ebon from rage and undying hunger.

_I'm so dead. I'm so fucking dead. Edward, I'm so sorry. I am nothing...no, I am less than nothing for doing this to you. _I had no words to express my sorrow and regret, let alone any justification for what I did. No words existed to describe how I felt upon achieving cognizance and replaying the events of the night in my mind. Thus I remained silent, at a loss for any words. I doubted Edward would've wanted to hear them anyway.

His mordant gaze turned to the bloodstained sheets. Rosalie watched, transfixed in shock, as he lifted the bedspread to reveal my blood that was still slightly damp. "You knew I wanted to wait until we married. I was even going to at least try to do it. Why did you try to go through with it?"

_What in the holy mother of fuck?_ My head started reeling. Did this mean that he plotted with him for things to happen this way...? Did Edward fucking _plan_ to have Carlisle stud himself out to me? So I could be satisfied and have no harm done?

_Because he would've rather had it be him and not Jacob, _both my conscience and dark side internally murmured in unison.

"She could prove to be a good fighter, and with how bad things are in Port Angeles, we need all the help we can get. It was also her personal choice and I did promise that after she graduated I'd give her my venom. I know that you wanted to do it Edward, but I felt it was best for me to do it because I was afraid hunger would get the better of you."

"But you know what newborns are capable of! She could kill god knows how many people because she will see nothing but red. You of all people should know how feral they are at first," Edward exploded. The window pane just shook. His fists were clenched, I was certain he could make short work of this opulent house. I had seen him angry before, and it always made me automatically recoil even if I wasn't the target, but nothing was comparable to the consummate terror I was feeling right now. I hadn't realized I was shaking until Carlisle placed his arms protectively around my shoulders. His glacial touch only made me shiver more. It wasn't until he relented that I realized I wanted his arms back around me.

"Edward, just calm down. If you recall correctly, most of us were in favor of her decision."

"I wasn't," Rosalie spat. "There's some things she should still get to enjoy as a human, that she should think long and hard about missing." She raised her eyebrow.

_Oh honey, you don't even know half of it. If only I hadn't been so turned on at the thought of biting, then we probably could've had time to have the venom be well on its way._

_If only that no-good tease would've put out, we wouldn't be in this mess right now._ My conscience slapped this new selfish and lustful voice within me upside the head.

Emmett snickered. "I don't know about that Rose, things stay pretty intense if not moreso. We made a bunch of construction companies pretty happy with how many houses we went through in the beginning." I gaped at him in incredulity. "And ha, you said 'long and hard'." She resumed her stony expression, stomped on his foot, and he pretended to be in agony. This would've been funny had the situation not been so severe.

"As you can see, she was bleeding profusely and I wanted to stop it for fear she'd die because hardly any venom got in and had a chance to spread. So she's still human. You've got nothing to worry about."

_Yes we do! I'm still not a vampire. Isn't someone or something going to kill me sooner or later? What's the fucking holdup?_

His lie caught me off-guard and I almost gasped. Edward's gaze shifted to me when I finally moved, almost tripping over my own feet. He stared at my bloodstained shirt in interest, even though it was days-old blood that was only from the wreckage.

"And you tried to use your belt as a tourniquet?"

"Yes, that's correct."

_Wait a minute. They only think Carlisle just tried to bite you. No one seems to suspect a thing about what else happened..._

_Are you serious? Do they_ really _not suspect all that blood came from a different act? What about those possessive tests they used to do in Edward's time, involving wedding nights and bedsheets…you've got a bloody sheet set in your backpack for crying out loud. Doesn't it seem just a _little_ obvious what was really going on here?_

Edward's face was still painted with ire, but he also wore a look of total confusion.

_Carlisle must be putting up a massive mind block. That's why Edward's confused...and not reading anything into it at all. Perhaps the situation isn't so severe,_ I thought to myself.

_Yes it is,_ my conscience fumed back at me. _Where's Esme in all this? How could you do this to that sweet, kind woman? To have torn asunder two people who have clearly _loved_ each other for so long? It wasn't as if their marriage was like your parents' or the farcical marriages often done nowadays for status quo purposes. It's not like she's a Leona Helmsley that he just can't pull himself away from for public image and financial security reasons._

A familiar feathery lilac scent permeated the air, then it hit home.

I felt a razorblade-edged shuriken coated in poisoned barbed wire ricochet back and forth in my stomach. I had been completely at war with reality for the past two days, and could only vaguely recall comprehending not just the consequences of my actions but my feelings about Edward and Esme. The painkillers and that agonizing _need_ had ganged up on my judgment, or whatever was left of it by now.

_I'm a slut. A homewrecker. I fucked up two fairy-tale relationships just because my own body wanted to betray me. I am no better than a Congressman. I want to die. Esme…I'm so sorry.  
_

But in conscious and cognizant thought, I couldn't deny that the last few hours contained the most incredible and otherworldly experience of my entire life. I couldn't deny that this man of god-like beauty possessed the compassion and resolve to use his supernatural abilities to help others. I also couldn't deny that he was this close to fulfilling a promise he made: whereas Edward promised to never leave.

He had left me. Nothing could provide absolution for that. Nothing he said or did could change that. Nothing could erase the guilt I had for Charlie, it tore him apart to come this close to having me committed over the robotic way I lived my life as I spent my life waiting for Edward's return. My memory would never be devoid of the misery and loneliness that made months that feel like eons.

Edward promised not to fight for my sake. But he did anyway. If he had not been standing here right now, I would presume he was about to get himself killed.

The dark side emerged from the recesses of my mind.

_It beckoned, __Don't these things often come in threes?_

_And I don't recall promising him he'd be_ _**the first**_, it seethed. _You are the new take-no-prisoners Bella._ _And two can play at this game._

Was his promise of marriage aftermath also going to be broken?

"But why the hell did you try to do it in my bedroom?"

"I thought she'd be more comfortable here than my office."

_Well,_ _he_ was _right about that. Although I wasn't opposed to getting railed on the desk had I not been in a road accident that I'm lucky didn't leave me crippled._

In spite of it all, I found myself unable to look Carlisle in the face. Between the shocked looks from the rest of the clan, the deception, and having given him such a huge part of myself, it felt humiliating to glance at him now. _Even though I think my feelings for him may have taken root to grow into something I never thought possible._

I decided I couldn't let this painful and awkward scene continue.

"I think I want to go home," I said quietly.

All heads turned to me. Edward's tone had considerably softened now. "I'll drive you." He reached for my hand, and I didn't realize at first that I was reluctant to take his.

_So it looks like I'm not going to be punished for my vile deeds. Something out there has given me an absolution, a second chance._

_And I don't deserve it, nor the hopelessly devoted man-child holding my hand._

We were almost out the door, when I decided to attack my fear head-on and looked back.

Carlisle gazed at me with a conglomerate of empathy, sorrow, want, pity, and most markedly, longing.

"I'll call Charlie right now."

I nodded. Edward and I made a quick and tacit exit.

It felt as if I were sleepwalking as he half-carried me to his Volvo. I hadn't realized how truly exhausted I was until I sank into the front seat. I also hadn't realized how my initial shock at Carlisle's sudden deception and the clan not realizing what we did, made my psyche completely forget to dread the conversation Edward was going to have with me.

I was drifting in and out of sleep as it was, so I didn't have to pretend to rest in order to not converse with him. I barely felt the car jerk to life. He was saying everything I imagined he would say in regards to the transformation anyway.

"…acted very irresponsibly…"

"…you promised to wait until after we were married…"

"…could've been killed!..."

"…all hell could've broken loose…"

We were almost back at Charlie's, and my legs felt like sacks of lead from exhaustion. Between them, I was incredibly sore. And felt strangely empty.

"Edward, we'll talk about this tomorrow," I muttered. "I just want to sleep."

_And promises be damned: It's okay if you break them, but I'm crucified if I do?_

"Fine Bella, but you have to understand why we should wait…besides, good things come to those who wait." He smiled that crooked smile I'd always been so fond of. I was glad he was in a better mood, but my mind couldn't help but replay hearing that same proverb in a different context from a different man.

I had been right when I made my declaration in that desirous haze. Maybe it was lust, maybe it was head trauma, but I indeed had said good-bye to who I was two days ago.

We pulled up on the driveway, which was still empty. The house was dead silent, no trace of Charlie or any trackers. Edward carried me upstairs to my bedroom, which remained untouched since I last left it. I flopped down on the covers, not bothering to change clothes, and was about to completely fall asleep.

Edward climbed into my bed, and effused me with his icy embrace.

"I think I want to be alone tonight," I declared to both of our surprises.

"But I can't leave you alone. There's rabid newborns on the loose. Not to mention the Volturi tracker who took your clothes." He gently caressed my face. "And you know how much I love watching you sleep."

The wrought iron hammer of guilt came down hard on my chest. "I know…" I trailed off. "But I'm in a lot of pain. And don't have a truck anymore. Charlie's probably going to look for me first thing since Carlisle already called him. If he finds you in bed with me when he gets back, the Volturi will be the least of our worries. And I think I really need some time alone, Edward."

The guilt card had been deflected right back to the dealer. "Fine. I'll see you tomorrow before I go to Port Angeles." He pulled the covers over me. "Sweet dreams, my love…" His lips touched mine. I reciprocated but my heart wasn't as in it as it had been.

I kept thinking of the more adroit lips that had been against mine, and all over my body…

Edward climbed out my window, even though it wasn't necessary since Charlie wouldn't be home until the afternoon. Just a force of habit I guess. Even though the sun was up, my sense of time was completely fucked and I planned on getting a full night's worth of sleep.

Then the second he was gone, I sobbed uncontrollably into my pillow. I did miss him, at least a little. I was stupid to have turned him away.

_I was stupid to have done any of this in the first place._

The last thing my rapidly closing eyes focused on was the rising sun glinting in the crystal heart on my bracelet. The red beacons of light stood out more than the others.


	8. Chapter 8: Amercement

***** Author's Note—Chapter 7 is **_**no longer Chapter 6B**_**: it's now the ****real**** Chapter 7, and thus the first chapter in the sequel!! So if you haven't read Chapter 7, read it first!*****

* * *

I was thankful that my long, uninterrupted slumber was dreamless. There were so many thoughts, realizations, actualizations, and memories swirling in my head all at once, competing with the voices warring with each other as well.

_Was it all just a dream?_ I wondered to myself. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes, and tried to make sense of what was happening.

I moved to get out of bed, but was surprised at the pain that almost stopped me. I'd never felt so sore in my life. My joints were stiff, especially in my legs. My shoulders felt as if Hulk Hogan had been jumping on them while wearing cleats. I surveyed my clothes that I had spent almost three days in: my tank top was full of blood, my jeans had some on them too. I took them off to reveal several bruises on my thigh.

No, it hadn't been a dream. I really lost my virginity to Carlisle. I really wrecked my truck.

_Oh god. I really cheated on Edward. Carlisle really cheated on Esme._

_I really need a long hot shower._ Robotically, I grabbed some clean clothes and headed to the bathroom.

The hot water was incredibly soothing on my sore muscles, as I washed away blood, dirt, and the remnants of the rite of passage. I suddenly had a better understanding of a childhood friend's zealous Catholic mom who had an obsession with hot water and boiling out your sins.

"_**I look in the mirror and don't like what I see. Who is that looking back, is it really me?"**_

I glanced in the mirror, at the scar on my cheek. I could now feel it when I ran my finger over it. It was further proof that the last few days that flew by in an unconscious then lust-driven blur had truly taken place. It all still felt so surreal. I walked back to my room in fresh clothes and with a slight limp from the frenetic happenings of the last two days.

My bedroom was filled with frail sunlight trying to glare through gray skies. The clock on my nightstand told me that it was almost 4:00 in the afternoon.

My mind was reeling as I replayed last night in my head, in total awareness this time. It was Carlisle and not Edward who had incredibly made love to me. I had slept alone in my own bed, a kind of night that used to be commonplace but that I recently hadn't experienced in a very long time.

He had promised to give me his venom, too little too late.

The finality and permanence of last night finally hit me full circle.

I had no vehicle at all, no way to get around unless I was driven because I lack the alacrity that vampires and werewolves possess.

I crashed my truck into a tree, on the way to La Push…where I was entertaining thoughts about taking Jacob's offer.

"_**I do what I can to keep myself down, there's no smile hiding behind this frown."**_

But I didn't. My first sexual encounter was with Edward's creator, and not Edward himself.

It was undoubtedly the most mind-blowingly pleasurable thing that ever happened to me.

I had given a vampire who possessed more empathy than any human who ever existed and who wanted to atone for killing others, a taste of human blood again.

A kind, beautiful, and gentle woman had been two-timed.

I was a turncoat to an eternally loyal being with his creator.

"_**I hate my guts and hope it lasts forever."**_

_I am more of a monster than any of my non-human cohorts are._

I wanted to smash my fist into the mirror, to take some shards back to the bathtub and try to end it all. Then I realized this was not an option, for I would then be single-handedly responsible for Edward's kamikaze flight into the Volturi's stronghold.

I looked into the mirror again, striving to see if there were any differences now. Bella Swan stared back at me with her brown eyes and matching long dark hair that was stringy from the water, a new scar on her cheek. Although recognizable, she was not the same Bella who had been meek and coercible most of her life.

She was a woman who didn't want to take no for an answer, who suddenly couldn't get enough of the intensity of last night. Who would get what she wanted, no matter what the cost.

"_**It's really easy, you will see…hating everything that is me."**_

The scarred and much-changed woman in the mirror was one consumed by lust, by love, by self-hate.

Who could I possibly talk to about this? Who could possibly understand? Who was going to not be hurt?

It made hurtle back to my room to have another good cry. I pulled the covers back over me, not wanting to face the world.

Shortly afterward I heard the door open downstairs, indicating that Charlie was home. The smell of pizza wafted up the stairs, and I didn't realize how hungry I was until it reached my nose. I probably hadn't eaten in almost three days but was too concentrated on the immense guilt brought upon by my actions to care about my mundane needs.

"Bella?" he called.

I threw the covers back, held my head up high, and headed down to the kitchen. Charlie looked as if he hadn't slept in days, worry etching the lines in face further. The overwhelming guilt within me deepened yet again.

"Bella!" In a move that surprised the both of us, he pulled me into a tight embrace.

"Careful Charlie, I'm still bruised up from the accident." The whiplash wasn't as present as it had been last night, but the fierce hug still hurt enough. Even so, it was comforting to breathe in his familiar scent, of smoke and old leather.

"Of course." He relented. "I'm just so glad you're still alive. And doing pretty well considering how bad the wreck was." He let go of me then motioned to the pizza boxes. "Well, I brought back dinner. I figured cooking's the last thing you'd want to do in your condition. And the last thing you needed was food poisoning if I tried to."

"Thanks Charlie." I reached for some pizza and fortunately his back was turned when I went to sit at the kitchen table. It surprisingly hurt a lot to sit. Another piece of information I recalled from locker room buzz a little too late.

He sat down at the table. "Something about you looks different."

"I was in a coma for two days. Forgive me if I'm still a bit shellshocked." I was never so glad to have super stringy cheese in my entire life.

"No…you're _glowing_."

My face turned red. I didn't notice anything like that when I looked in the mirror.

I shrugged. "Just glad to sleep in my own bed and have real food, I guess."

Charlie smiled. "I thought it was because you saw what was in the driveway."

My slice of pizza dropped, as did my jaw. "Driveway?"

He raised his eyebrow. "You might want to go outside."

I bolted for the front door and threw it open, and walked down to the driveway. Staring in me the face was a car with a huge pink bow wrapped around it.

It wasn't just any car. It was a Dodge.

Not just any Dodge either: it was a faded red 1974 Dodge Dart. The front bumper was almost dislocated from the rest of the car, and the tires were all mismatched.

Al Bundy's Dodge.

Al Bundy's motherfucking Dodge. _This is un-freakin-believable!_

I involuntarily emitted a fanatical giggle, my hands at my throat like frightened birds.

I ran to the car to pull off the ribbon, and saw there was a piece of paper behind the windshield wiper. I unfolded it.

**You said nothing ostentatious. I decided to listen to you for a change. Love, E**

I stared off into the distance, clutching the note to my chest. The tiny piece of paper no bigger than a grocery list suddenly seemed like the Rock of Gibraltar.

I stayed in this daze for so long that I hadn't realized Charlie came outside. "I was younger than you when those cars came out. I thought he'd spring for something good."

"No, I told him I didn't want him to give me anything fancy or expensive. I love it!" _And_ _I do not deserve this man._

Knowing I wasn't much for familial closeness or learning my lesson, Charlie gave me the keys. "I'm sure you'll want to take her for a spin. But you get back here before dark, the last place I want you to end up is the hospital or Carlisle's office because you couldn't see where you were going."

The end of his sentence was like a slap in the face. I shook it off, since he was unaware of the meaning behind his warning.

There was a place I needed to go. There was one person I could confess to.

"I'll be careful, Charlie." He ducked back inside.

I entered the Dodge, and it took a few tries for it to come to life. After it got enough juice, I backed out of the driveway and made my way to the main avenue so I could get on the highway.

A confession awaited in La Push.


	9. Chapter 9: Crucifixion

The Dodge had a surprising amount of life left in it, considering both its age and that the odometer was this close to resetting to zero. Swords were dancing in my stomach as it hit home how the perfect man bought me the perfect car when what I did merited neither.

"_**Step back and look at you, and tell me that is what you want to be."**_

The radio was stuck on the metal station. _Well, it sure beats oldies again._ The Dodge was further perfected by a lack of satellite or anything of that ilk.

"_**Deep inside, you know you're guilty as hell."**_

Guilty as hell. No other words could possibly describe me. I kept my eyes on the road but the melodic words resonated back and forth, and the only thing that seemed to exist right now was the sins weighing me down.

"_**Oh it makes no difference if you're the only one. It doesn't matter when all is said and done."**_

Jacob was probably the only person I could now go to with this. On one hand, he would come down on me heavily and berate me to no end. On the other, he would be relieved to know I still human and that Edward wasn't my first.

"_**There's no fear in a fallen angel, there's no love in a heart made of stone."**_

La Push was in close range. I was dying to shut off the radio, to drown out the words that I felt were being drilled into me specially, but was compelled to keep listening.

"_**There's no truth in a heart that is screaming, deep inside, you're guilty as hell."**_

Two obnoxious announcers came on the radio as I pulled up to the reservation, and I gladly shut them out as I spotted a small gray wolf with a large russet one. They looked in my direction and I waved. They disappeared, assumingly to phase.

I parked on the dirt road and exited the Dodge. Seth and Jacob approached me in their human forms.

"Hi Bella!" Seth greeted me enthusiastically. Jacob gave me a long, strange look.

"Hey Bella…" he trailed off, staring in amazement at the Dodge. "Nice car. Thought the bl—I mean, Edward would've sprung for something better since you made short work of Billy's old truck."

"No, I wanted an old piece of crap which I planned to buy myself anyway. Now all we need is for the radio to be stuck on the oldies station and we're all set!" I feebly joked.

"And it does smell like old feet," Seth interjected with a laugh. He seemed clueless as to what was going on.

But Jacob couldn't tear his eyes from me, no matter how hard he tried. "Hey Seth, I think I hear Leah calling you."

I felt bad about ditching him, but grateful that Jacob wanted to get rid of him so we could talk alone.

Seth glanced at us, the high tension evident. "Yeah…I better go to her. Later, Bella." I nodded in his direction, then he ran off towards the Clearwater house.

Jacob motioned me to follow him further into the woods. My hand accidentally brushed his, and the scorching heat he radiated caught me by surprise. I was so used to the cold. "Bella…you look different."

"Uh…why? How?"

"I don't know, like you're glowing or something." His eyes darkened. "But no offense Bells, you reek of bloodsucker. I mean, far more than usual."

The heat rushed to my face and he could read the pain in my eyes.

"What's happened to you?" He ran his finger over the scar on my cheek. I involuntarily recoiled at his touch, which now felt like searing metal.

"Jacob…" I faltered, not knowing where or how to begin. "Will you promise to keep this between us forever?"

"Sure."

"I mean it. This…I…oh god." I immediately fought back tears as my speech became more incomprehensible.

"Oh fuck," I heard Jacob mutter under his breath, but could tell he was really concerned in spite of putting on a macho air.

"Please. Just promise you won't tell a single soul."

He threw his hands up in the air. "Just spill it already, would you?"

Confessing out loud turned out to be harder than I thought. I imagined I would be able to easily spill my guts to Jacob. But I just couldn't. It was too humiliating. I seriously hated it when he started talking dirty to me, then hated it even more when he really tried to capitalize on the whole Edward's-a-vampire-he'll-kill-me-if-we-screw deal. The last few weeks had been rife with filthy talks then outright propositions.

_But when Carlisle did it, it was totally unexpected. Not to mention the absolute fucking hottest thing in the world._

I silently paced around the forest for a minute, trying to find a tactful way to say what I had to say. Then I realized that there _was_ no tactful way to say it.

I heaved a deep sigh. "Last night, I—"

"—fucked like a rabbit on speed?"

Stunned, I stared at him and wanted to punch that self-satisfied smirk off his face. But my eyes gazing at the floor answered his question.

"I knew it. You have that recently-fucked glow."

"And how would you know what that looks like?" I spat.

"You're around plenty of imprinted couples, you see it often enough." He shrugged. "So what's the big deal? It was going to happen sooner or later. You didn't have to come here to rub it in my face."

I was having a really hard time holding back the tears now. _Just say it. The longer this conversation continues, the worse it'll be._ "It wasn't with Edward." I said quietly.

Jacob's expression turned from amusement to abject horror. "…What?"

"Yes. Not Edward." My voice was hardly audible and kept cracking.

His voice was high with outright anger and shock. "If it wasn't with Edward, and sure as hell not with me, then _who_?!"

I buried my face in my hands. I didn't want him to see the tears that escaped.

"Was it Emmett?" I involuntarily stepped back and he laughed at the look on my face.

"You decided we weren't turning you on anymore and took practicing French-kissing with Alice to a whole new level?"

"You wish!" I shot back.

He grinned. "I sure would've loved to watch that."

I almost punched him, then remembered I broke my hand last time I tried to do that. More body parts out of commission was the last thing I needed.

He became serious again. "Well? Are we going to play guessing games all night?"

"Carlisle." I muttered, a shade above a whisper.

"What?!"

"It was Carlisle." I firmly declared.

"_**Hold on! It's never enough…it's never enough until your heart stops beating…"**_

"You cannot fucking be serious," he thundered. His black eyes were intense with shock, agony, and rage. "Him? But…he's his _father_. Or something close to it." He was only beginning to put me on the cross.

I fully burst into tears now. "Carlisle promised me that he'd bite me by the time I graduated. Edward was going to put off both things until god knows when."

"Biting is one thing, and we had enough fights over this as it is, but what fucktarded vampire law says that you also have to spread 'em in order to get bitten?

"Seriously, Bella…what the fuck?! How could you do that to him?" _Sympathy for the enemy. How the tables have turned._ "I thought what you did to me was bad enough, but this? That's a new low, even for you."_ First nail on the cross._

"_**Don't give up the game until your heart stops beating."**_

"First off, I didn't do anything to you. You knew damn well I only wanted to be friends."

"_**The deeper you get, the sweeter the pain."**_

"Yeah, because you picked him and not me, and for what? To go and screw his FATHER! What in the blue hell possessed you to do it?! Have you no fucking shame?" _Second nail on the cross_.

"Just keep going. Degrade me. Insult me. I deserve it."

"Bella…how could you? HOW COULD YOU?!" _Crown of thorns._

The words flew out of my mouth at five hundred miles an hour without even having to think. "I'm sorry. It was just…Edward and I were this close to finally doing it. He had me all set up saying that he was going to hold me hostage and I was getting all excited, then what happens? He just shoves me away and tells me not to seduce him. I didn't even get his shirt off! I try to take it off, while we're in BED, and he fucking slaps my hand away! I just had to get the hell out of there because I couldn't think straight. I _literally_ got a slap on the wrist for trying to seduce him. When he bought this huge bed better yet! And I thought we were going to _use_ it! What the fuck?! Anyway…I just had to get out lest he drive me crazier. Then instead of going home, I almost fucking drove here, crashed the truck on the way, and I wake up in Carlisle's office and he tells me I was out cold for two days. The whole house was just empty. They were all off fighting the outbreak in Port Angeles, except for him. When Edward promised me he would never fight for my sake again." I paused to catch my breath, and gauge Jacob's reaction at my seething account of the past few days. His eyes were wide with shock. "It was just…I was so out of it from the head trauma, the painkillers, and was just plain horny as a goddamn toad. We were on the leather couch in his office, he kept touching me, he was just so beautiful, it really struck me how Edward can be so selfish and here was the most giving person I'd ever met, he was touching my broken rib, I kissed him, then one thing led to another…" I trailed off so I could finally breathe. He didn't need the Penthouse outtakes. The only person who could probably have me beat in the indescribably delicious and wrong adulterous filth that had taken place was Governor Sanford. Except I wouldn't "try" to love Edward again. I knew I still loved him, which is what made this all the more a hell of my own making.

"_**All I get from you is shellshock."**_

Stunned, Jacob stepped back and shook his head. "So you let yourself get seduced by the bloodsucker doctor. That's just fucking insane."

"Look, I've been kicking my own ass over it all day. So I'm not as sweet and innocent as you seemed to think I was. And go ahead and think I'm a shitty person."

"I don't think you're a shitty person, Bella."

"I have no words for the guilt and doubt Edward would want to hear them, if he knew."

This really got him. "Edward doesn't even know or _suspect_ it?"

"No."

"Can't he read minds? I mean, if we did it, the entire pack would know. They'd get Skinemax replays until Leah kicked my ass."

I ignored his crude remark. "Carlisle put up one hell of a mental block and convinced him to think that he, Rosalie, and Emmett only walked in on him trying to bite me."

"What!!!" He actually stumbled and had to catch his breath this time. "They _walked in on you_ and just thought he was only trying to bite you?" He burst into side-splitting laughter. "Oh man. I unfortunately gave them too much credit. I have to say though, I'm glad you're still human. And it pretty much didn't kill you.

"But if only the truck hadn't crashed…" he mused.

_Maybe some things are meant to happen for a reason. I sincerely doubt you'd have been HALF as good as Carlisle was._

"Well, Bella. When it rains, it pours."

"_**But that's the way that I can win…a victim of your evil sin."**_

"What are you saying?"

Jacob raised his eyebrow. "Dear old Edward's just never going to put out. It looks like he doesn't care who you do it with, just so long as you're still alive." _Final nail through the heart._

Shock froze me in place. "Jacob…I'm not going to bed with you."

"Well, when it rains, it pours: you were planning on taking up my offer to begin with. You just weren't planning to let the chief bloodsucker bone you. But you can still have me as a consolation prize."

I was too furious to even care about the "let" bullshit once again. "Jacob. How clear do I have to make myself? We. Are. Not. Going. To. Have. Sex. _Ever._" I found myself walking away from him as the sky darkened.

He advanced upon me. "Your words say no, but your eyes and that way you move your hips say yes."

The scorch he exuded that was suffocating. I took a step back.

"Come on…you've been teasing me for as long as I can remember."

"Unrequited feelings and a desire to continue a long-time friendship does not a tease make." I took another step back.

His voice lowered with seduction. "Well, had you been in my bed and you tried to take my shirt off, let me tell you that you'd be getting a lot more off than that."

"_**Never enough, until your heart stops beating!"**_

That thought maybe would've turned me on eons ago, but now made me grimace. "Not. Happening!" I took one more step backwards, and stupidly it backed me up against a tree. Which I was now pinned to under Jacob's burning, muscular arms. Towering over me, I had no escape.

The heat was overwhelming, yet the imminent threat made me shiver. I was sweating and felt my face flush.

"Remember that time Edward and I read each others' minds? Well, he's jealous that my dick is about twice the size of his."

I would've staggered had he not rendered me nearly immobile, and I felt my stomach turn.

"Come on…stop fighting it. I know that you still love me and maybe you don't want to fuck all night as _badly_ as I do, but you still want to."

"I get too excited for my own good, have one slip-up, it was my first fucking time, and yet you act as if I tried more men than Judge Wapner."

He smirked. "Any chance I can be the bailiff and we can play hide-the-nightstick tonight?"

Being a good girl was going to get me nowhere. "No thanks. I took quite a beating last night, I'm too sore to bother."

Rico Suave suddenly vanished and was replaced with the angry shapeshifter. "He did WHAT?"

"Just a figure of speech. Carlisle didn't do anything, or make me do anything, I didn't want to. Don't get your panties in a knot."

Even he had to laugh at that and his hold loosened. It looked like while he definitely didn't approve of my actions, he was being less judgmental. It felt better to get it off my chest, but it didn't help solve the fact that although I was consumed with guilt this strange longing still lingered.

Just not for him.

"But it's really your panties I want on my floor."

"Fine. If I go home and just bring you a pair of them, will you stop it already?"

"Well, at least it'll give me something to remember you by."

"Please don't get all Clarence Thomas on me with the Coke can."

This made the both of us burst into raucous laughter. I hadn't laughed like that in months. It momentarily made me forget the piercing guilt that was eating me alive.

"And for the record, I didn't come here to gloat. I came here because you are the only person I could confide in with this." Staring into my eyes, he could see how tortured I was inside, betrayed by my own body, and so sure yet unsure of what I really wanted. He finally freed me from his hold.

"Well, Bells…if I may say so?" I was afraid of what was going to come out of his mouth. "I think you look like the older one now." He smiled through my pain.

He remembered our old little joke. That made tears of a different ilk well up in my eyes, and I threw my arms around him. I felt his burning fingertips at my waist.

"Don't even THINK about reading into it." For a moment, we were both very still, looking into each others' eyes. With that, his arms were around me once again, less oppressive this time. He softly brushed his lips to mine. I struggled out of his fierce embrace before the kiss became too insistent.

That was my cue to leave. "It's getting dark. I promised Charlie I would be home soon. He's not so keen on me driving when I can't see."

Jacob walked me back to the Dodge. "Well…if you ever change your mind…I'll always be here."

Without a word, I held my hand to his too-warm cheek, a sharp contrast from the icy perfection that so filled my void.

I couldn't kickstart the Dodge fast enough.

"_**I've been good and I've been bad, but common sense I've never had."**_


	10. Chapter 10: Illusionary

Night had fallen by the time I pulled into the driveway. Upon entering the house, I discovered that Charlie fell asleep in the middle of Night Court. I put a blanket over him and lowered the volume on the TV before tiptoeing upstairs.

Quietly as possible, I entered Charlie's bedroom and the adjoining half-bath. In an attempt to reset my internal clock to normal time, I snuck out two of his Halcions he kept in the medicine cabinet there that he normally saved for really bad nights.

_I think the past few days' events qualifies for that._ The last thing I felt like doing was staying awake, contemplating my actions and replaying the last two nights in my head. It would be no use going to the Cullen residence either because Edward was fighting in Port Angeles and Carlisle was at the hospital.

Not that I had the guts to look either of them in the face right now.

In spite of feeling a little better getting it all out to Jacob, the unending guilt bored into me. The same feelings of sorrow, self-hate, and longing returned.

Worse yet, I couldn't tell who I felt the most longing for. But this _created_ emptiness that had not been present prior to losing my virginity now took up residence within me.

I did not know what exactly my feelings for Carlisle were now. He had given so much of himself to me…he had ignored the costs as did I.

_No. I will not cry myself to sleep again._ I left my room and went back to Charlie's medicine cabinet. I took another pill and headed back to my room.

My eyes tried to stay open, but it was a losing battle. As the drugs kicked in, my hand sprawled out to touch the cold and empty side of my bed.

The side that Edward normally occupied.

The sight, sound, and scent of him slowly dissipated from my memory as sweet blackness shrouded me, protectively blanketing my mind and body.

I broke my promise not to cry myself to sleep as I emitted a few choked sobs, my arm still outstretched, unsure who I wanted in the barren space next to me that seemed to span on forever.

Darkness descended.

* * *

"_**Burnt the flowers in my hand…I was almost there."**_

It was cold and dark. I reached out to touch something, anything, but felt nothing. Then my fingers brushed against what felt like cold and damp concrete, and my poor night vision revealed bluish walls as if I were in a tunnel.

I kept walking then a strange warmth effused me. It was reminiscent of a heavy fleece blanket. Then I slipped on a patch of ice and fell flat on my back.

Suddenly, I was no longer alone. I heard heavy breathing that was distinctly male. A cold hand touched mine, and a colder body positioned itself on top of me. I could vaguely make out the contour of his hand, let alone see his face.

"Who are you?!" I tried to shout, but found that my vocal cords weren't working. No sound came out. An icy finger was pressed to my lip.

"_**Your denial, my demand, I was already there."**_

Freezing lips hungrily met mine as a cold hand fondled my breast, the other one snaking up my thigh. The invisible blanket around me created more heat. I was powerless to stop any of it.

I wanted to protest, but it felt good…and somewhat familiar.

I wriggled underneath him in an attempt to escape, but it only seemed to excite him. A hardness pressed against my thigh, and he put my hand to his mouth to kiss my fingertips. I placed my hands against the ground and tried to pull out of the embrace. No luck. I tried to speak again but found that I had indeed gone mute.

But when I tried to return the attacker's gestures, it let me. This sadistic force simply wouldn't let me escape or speak, but I could reciprocate with this cold and invisible lover.

I ran my fingers through his hair and immediately recognized that it was Carlisle. Upon this realization I held him tight and kissed him with fervor.

The emptiness drifted away.

"_**Now I'm losing who I am."**_

Just as soon as the emptiness went away, it came back in full force as my surroundings engulfed in flames and I was all alone again. Carlisle had disappeared or perhaps been burned.

I was not just alone, but also naked.

The flames spread higher and higher and I soon had almost no safe haven. I was completely surrounded by the conflagration. The heat was overbearing, probably more than any human was ever intended to withstand. The largest flame shapeshifted into a fiery wolf, which approached me. Most of the flames were orange, but this one was a blazing red, as was the lupine form it took. I knew it had to be Jacob.

"_**Save me now, because all I am…black is black."**_

I tried to cover my nakedness with my hair and my arms, but it didn't stop the wolf from circling me, making the burning sensations even worse as more of the floor went up in flames.

He phased into his human form, and pinned me to the floor, rendering me motionless. His rough kisses were searing burns but I was powerless to stop him as his blazing arms kept me to the ground.

"_**Black is black!"**_

The outer flames were edging closer as they climbed higher. I lay perfectly still and willed Jacob not to violate me. Then the flames engulfed him as the floor beneath me also became part of the blaze.

I was finally able to scream as the flames licked at my flesh. A feral growl resounded from within the cavern, but I couldn't tell what direction it had come from.

Another flame had taken on a life of its own, and seemed to be shoving Jacob away. Fascinated, I watched at this flame went from yellow to ochre to a deep blue. The blue flame took on a more humanoid appearance, which I then recognized to be Edward.

I reached out for him, he took my hand, and ice shot into my veins to numb the flames. His skin had a bluish tint, and his eyes were a steely gray. Frost particles were on his hands, suggesting he had been frozen solid. Relief coursed through me as the ice channeled out the sea of flames.

"_**Never tried and lost it all, I was already dead."**_

Edward pulled me into an icy embrace, and we ardently kissed. My sheer nudity against his frozen form would normally have resulted in hypothermia but the multitude of flames negated any coldness. I threw my arms around his neck, which I bit in a fit of passion. His hands roamed my body, and I cried out as he put his hand where I needed it the most. Unable to resist temptation, he didn't protest when I took his glacial manhood into my hands.

"_**Now I'm losing who I am!"**_

Flames, nothing but flames, took over my entire line of vision. Edward was gone. I was being burned alive and screaming in agony.

Smoking eyes out of darkness, the last thing I recalled seeing before I crashed the truck, were fixated upon me within the inferno.

All went black, just like it did with the accident.

"_**Almost dead…"**_

Blackness. Cold hands were on my face. The rest of my body was sore with deep and painful burns. Then came a falling sensation, and I was sinking into a pit of nothing but fire.

I woke up screaming.

* * *

I was struggling for oxygen and profusely sweating, my hair clinging to the sides of my face, when I came to. _It was only a dream. Just another nightmare._

I vowed to never take sleeping pills ever again.

_It wasn't Halcion that brought it on though,_ my conscience fumed.

It was about ten in the morning. Between the accident and trying to shut out the deeds that stained my soul, I had slept more than a housecat in the past week.

A trip downstairs revealed the Charlie was getting ready to leave.

"Bella? Don't go anywhere near Port Angeles. I'll be on duty the next two days with most of the force because those serial killers are really tearing the place apart."

If only he knew what was really behind the hell breaking loose there. "I won't, Charlie," I replied like an automaton as I went to pour myself a bowl of cereal.

"Also, this came for you." He pushed a gray envelope that had my named scrawled on it across the table to me.

There was a paw print on the envelope. This gesture would've been cute had I not known the connotation behind it.

Charlie made his exit as I opened it. It was a good thing he did too, because I gasped when I read it.

**Heard you talking in your sleep last night when I made my rounds by your house. Your moaning could put Jenna Jameson out of business. Just remember to use my name next time.**

**PS- I never thought I'd side with that bloodsucker over anything. Two wrongs don't make a right.**

**J**

I angrily crumpled it up, then tore it into pieces lest Charlie accidentally find it.

I needed a good distraction more than ever.

I went back upstairs and turned on my laptop, and answered Renee's last seven emails in one consolidated message, albeit in a very halfassed manner. I killed a few hours at World of Warcraft and a website full of stories about this vampire/werewolf movie that mostly went in a bawdy direction. Some of them were quite racy and only making me have more thoughts I shouldn't be thinking.

Another hot shower was definitely in order.

As the soothing water cascaded down onto me, my thoughts rabidly and rapidly colliding like the NYSE trading floor, that longing returned.

I knew it was wrong. I knew it was immoral. The guilt that consumed me was the fire in my life-like nightmare.

But I was just a moth to that flame. I had to see him again, face-to-face. We had to come to terms with our actions.

It was time for the Dodge to make its maiden voyage to the Cullen stronghold.

I exited the bathroom, dried my hair, and picked through what was left of my clean clothes, settling on a top Renee bought me on an unwarranted shopping spree that was tighter than I would've liked.

I stared at the woman in the mirror again. She was harsher than I remembered. A scar on her cheek, a determined and lustful gloss in her eyes, hands on her hips, she was the new take-no-fucking-prisoners Bella Swan.

_SOMEONE has to bite me sooner or later. We can't keep putting this off. I don't want to keep living in fear. I'm sick of excuses._

I flew out the door and into the Bundymobile, in focused silence, down the much-traveled road to the extravagant fortress.


	11. Chapter 11: Succor

The trip had been in vain, because I saw that most of the fleet was gone. Edward wouldn't be back until almost midnight, from my vague recollection of his words.

Then I remembered that Carlisle was at the hospital since it was barely four in the afternoon.

With that, I backed out of the driveway and headed back to the highway.

The radio was still stuck on the metal station, and I apparently wandered into Hair Metal Appreciation Hour.

Eyes on the road, I pushed the Dodge the hardest I could to reach Forks Hospital. I had to at least talk to Carlisle to sort out what happened and plan damage control, if nothing else.

"_**You take the midnight subway train…you're calling all the shots. You're struck by lightning—you're in love."**_

The sensuous riffs made heat flush to my face and think back to two nights ago.

Those lips against mine, his deft hands in the most excitable areas, the way he had put my pleasure before his own…how his seduction was like something from an old movie, not the roughness that resulted in pulling away as I was so used to. I leaned back and slightly closed my eyes, then realized I was still driving.

"_**You want to use me, take me home tonight…I'll make you wish that you were mine."**_

It didn't help that the Dodge naturally had paper-thin shocks…and the road was very rocky. It wasn't helping my case in the slightest.

"_**It's not worth fighting…you're in love."**_

I turned right off the highway, down the main avenue and into the town center. Stopped at the light, I saw a familiar station wagon pull up next to me.

Mike Newton.

He glanced inside, and was about to wave and give me a small smile when he noticed the obvious changes in me. He looked _afraid._ He turned his eyes to the road.

I suppose to the uninitiated, I looked frightening. To the supernatural, I was glowing.

To me, I was having an internal battle. There was the side that knew this was dishonorable beyond meaning and was consumed with guilt for wronging Edward and Esme.

Then there was the side that was tired of being submissive and walked all over, and would get what she wanted no matter what the price.

"_**Turn around! Remember me…I'm the one who's out and aimed to please."**_

I turned in to the hospital's parking lot. I slowly passed through the physician parking spaces and spotted Carlisle's Mercedes. Taking a deep breath, I parked in the outpatient section. The back fender fell off in the process. I heard a laugh and turned around to see two men in their late twenties gazing at the Dodge in both awe and hilarity.

"Let me guess, five more payments and it was yours?"

I shrugged them off and shoved the fender in the trunk, took another deep breath, and entered the hospital.

"Bella!" the kindly receptionist in her early fifties greeted me. "Heard you had a bad truck accident. Glad to see you're not in a wheelchair—so what happened this time?"

This new dark side to me took over. "Can I see Dr. Cullen about some third-degree burns?"

"Sure, have a seat."

But I didn't have to, for I felt that familiar aura enter the room. Carlisle was already here.

The receptionist gave us a befuddled look, and with his hand on the small of my back, he led us out of triage and to the outpatient ward. He was quiet the entire time, until we were in a more secluded room meant for interns to bunk in. The door was wide open.

"Bella." He said softly.

"Carlisle." His bronze eyes betrayed his otherwise placid expression. I could see torture and longing: they were mirroring my own.

The awkward silence was almost tangible. He broke it.

"So where do we go from here?" His voice was soft, unaccusing.

"I'm not sure. I have yet to be bitten. I can't keep living like this. Any day now, that outbreak could get closer to Forks. And no matter where I go, the Volturi will find me." I paused. "And then there was the deal we made."

I read the pain in his eyes. "I feel I—we both—owe it to Edward to wait. At least for a short while."

I grimly stared at the floor. He was absolutely right.

Next thing I knew, his graceful finger lightly touched my scar. It sent a slight shiver down my spine. "I see it's holding up quite well. It might even heal up completely in a few months."

The cold touch immediately brought me back to two nights ago. How sensitive and responsive I had been. The way he made me feel like I was the most beautiful and desirable woman in the world, in spite of all my flaws. The way he was gentle, but so rough…

"Skilled hands put it back together." I almost clapped my hand over my mouth in an homage to Cindy Brady.

Carlisle kept his distance but it didn't stop his eyes from slightly darkening. "You do realize this hurts me just as much, if not moreso, than it hurts you." His breathing quickened.

"Yes." My eyes remained locked on his. Unlike two nights ago, I was more cognizant and it only made me see how truly beautiful he was. Selfless and full of undying compassion, and a face that could stop traffic. Even now, being so close to him, I couldn't really think straight.

_La douleur exquise_.

_I can't hold out for Edward yet again. It will be the bloodreign excuse…then the life experience excuse…next thing you know I'll be old enough to be mistaken for his mother. If Carlisle doesn't bite me, no one will. Without killing me, that is. Can't. Hold. Out._

_Yes, you should._ My conscience refused to be toppled again._ You outrightly seduced Carlisle and have to pay the price. And you're _not _doing it again._

He bit his fist and I realized he wasn't making eye contact anymore.

Suddenly I remembered why I never wore this shirt out anywhere: it always made my nipples show. How convenient that it was the first thing I grabbed out of my closet today.

No matter how wrong it was, I had to do this. I had gotten just one taste and would never know anything greater than that original high, unless I got another taste to compare it with. While the need was not been as soul-crushing as it was prior to two nights ago, it was still there, and I could feel it as the diamond perfection so close by was tacitly calling to me. It created that familiar stirring within me.

That pure _want_ clouded my brain once again, thoroughly suffocating my judgment.

I edged closer while Carlisle stood like a statue. I heard him take a deep breath in an attempt to keep his resolve. But his hands were balled into fists at his sides, white knuckle tight. He refused to meet my eyes, to see and satiate the lust evident in them. _But I will win this war yet again._

I finally closed in on him, the sound of my breathing felt like thunder in my ears.

Slowly, my arms snaked around his neck and I pressed myself against his body. He could not ignore this and gazed down at me.

His fingertips were at my cheeks, they pushed back into my hair and I reveled in the sensation. Strong arms swept me up for a gentle yet ardent kiss.

The hold around me tightened as I probed my tongue further into his mouth. His thumb brushed over my cheek and a tremor shuddered throughout my entire body. The icy embrace hardened my nipples and I felt the wetness pool in my center.

Carlisle put his arm around my waist and hungrily reciprocated my kiss. I ran my fingers through his hair and caressed the back of his neck. I could hear nothing but the sounds of our heavy breathing and my own thundering heartbeat.

Cold, smooth lips moved along my throat. I sighed and grasped the neck of his white lab coat. There was nothing I needed so badly right now as to have him back inside me, I ached to have his hands all over me. But he'd want to take it slow, providing he didn't turn me away for how wrong all this was.

I thought Carlisle was going to end it when his lips suddenly left mine. Instead, he quickly slammed and locked the door. In a trance, he walked back to me, his eyes ebon with flaming desire. He took me back into his arms, gently sliding one hand down my back and the other up my thigh. I caressed his back, sensually touching his shoulders. He responded by kissing my neck harder, his fingers digging into my flesh hard enough to leave bruises as his hand traveled up my thigh. He was dangerously close to stroking me through my jeans. The tickle of fangs was against the nape of my neck, making me sigh. _Oh god I want more of this. Don't stop._

In a rough and sudden move, he backed me up against an examination table that was against the wall. I felt the backs of my thighs bruise. A freezing hand splayed over the waistband of my jeans, which I helped him remove. I leaned back and those perfect fingers were getting close to my heat, rubbing circles on my inner thigh. I bit his earlobe and felt that hardness ensconced in his dress pants slowly rub against my bare thigh. Involuntarily, I moaned loudly.

With that, I dug my nails into his back, consumed by desire. This lust-driven man playing rough was far different from the slightly more controlled Carlisle I lost my virginity to. He was scaring me yet I felt myself getting wetter by the second.

I leaned back on the table, the cold metal shocking my skin to the same temperature as Carlisle's. Catching his breath, he was nestled against my breasts. Caressing his chest, I removed his coat and kissed his ice-cold neck. He didn't stop me when I started unbuttoning his shirt with my teeth, my tongue stopping at his belt. I met his black eyes, gazing down upon me with pure want.

All time and space came to a halt when his lips returned to mine, and his skilled fingers pushed my panties aside so he could stroke my clit in perfect rhythm. I bit his shoulder to halt my ecstatic scream. But I couldn't help softly sighing, letting him know how badly I wanted him. _Want be damned, I _need_ him back inside me._

The rhythmic rubbing against my sensitive button made jolts of pleasure cascade from head to toe and I again tried not to scream out loud so I didn't attract attention to the locked room. I only let out a slight whimper.

"Bella." My name resounded in a deep guttural grunt. _Fuck, that's hot._ "God I love it when you moan my name, please don't stop," Carlisle begged me.

"Carlisle," I whispered. "I don't want us to get caught."

He smiled. "We won't, I promise." Adroit lips met mine. "And if we are, the staff won't do anything because they know they won't find two of me so quick." His cool, soothing hands were so gentle but so brusque. "But there's that thrill of knowing it's possible." He started removing his pants.

He groaned at the sight of my bare breasts when I yanked my shirt off, and with just as much precision as last time, he took the left one into his mouth then the right one and sucked. He bit my nipple almost hard enough to draw blood, the swell of pain and pleasure further making me wet. I ran my fingers through his perfect flaxen hair, beckoning him to keep being rough with me. My back was almost against the wall, my skin covered in goosebumps yet burning up.

With a desirous growl, Carlisle lowered himself to remove my panties with his teeth so we were now both completely naked. I trembled in anticipation as I thought he was going to orally pleasure me, but instead he rather forcefully pushed me up against the wall. I wrapped my arms around his broad shoulders, anticipating his entry in a mixture of fear and arousal. I felt the tip of that hardness I so craved slowly rub against me, the warm wetness inviting him in.

I braced myself as Carlisle gently entered me, it didn't hurt that much this time. It also didn't take as long for the motions to become pleasurable crescendos. His thrusts were careful and controlled, although the iron grip on my waist was bruising. I could hear him moving in and out of me as I met each thrust in perfect rhythm. Wrapping my legs around his body to pull him as close as the metal table would let me, it elicited a few moans from me.

That emptiness was gone…that created ache I hadn't felt prior to my first time was being alleviated.

Carlisle buried his face in the nape of my neck, teasing me with that bite…the bargaining chip that remained on the table that started all of this. He ground into me with ferocity, and I fell into a surreal world where nothing but this intense pleasure existed. All several inches of his immense hardness stabbed in and out of me as I cried out his name over and over, knowing it pleased him.

I crushed against his hips harder and faster, digging my nails into his shoulders then running down all the way down his back, showing that I could play rough too. There was so much sensation taking place at once that I never wanted it to end.

"Bella…that's amazing. No one's ever done that to me before."

Remembering what he said about liking me being shy one minute then bold the next, I leaned back and sighed and let him take over.

"Carlisle, you're the fucking best. Make me cum." I knew I was getting close.

"I will."

I felt him harden within me as I shook, then we both almost stopped when the PA came on with a start. The intensive care unit was paging him.

"Oh fuck," he heavily breathed. Meeting his thrusts as hard as I could, he pounded my tightness with fury and I almost screamed. I felt him release then pull out as his breathing slowed.

"Just stay put. I'll be back as soon as I can." Carlisle quickly kissed me on the lips then he threw his clothes back on and ran out the door. Praying that no one saw me laying naked on the exam table, I tiptoed over and locked it.

I caught my breath and realized I hadn't climaxed. I was just a little sore from Carlisle's intense movements, and still felt strangely warm from where that part of him had been. Not fully satisfied, I laid against the freezing cold table and moved my hand downward to finish the job. I had plenty of stimulating material to think about.

The warm folds were about to accept my fingers but my fantasies were interrupted by a group of young nurses loudly talking outside. There was a lot of giggling, apparently a new nurse was being welcomed and Carlisle was the hot topic. I had to listen.

"Man, Dr. Cullen is so fucking hot!" the new nurse gushed.

"I know! I can't believe he's like thirty-six. He could be a model or something."

"He reminds me of a young Kiefer Sutherland crashed into this criminally pretty boy I fucked in the backseat of a Camaro after a KFMDM concert ten years ago," another woman said in a daydream voice. That was probably Lisa, the somewhat gothic-looking surgical technician I'd seen around in my many trips to Forks Hospital.

Shocked and obnoxious giggling ensued. "I don't know which part of that sentence is the most offensive." I think this nurse's name was Brenda.

"What's wrong with KFMDM? Or a Camaro?" another female tech said. "Dude, I listen to them religiously at the gym! And I'm a card-carrying brand snob better yet!"

"Yeah, not like the 10,000th KISS farewell tour you had your walk of shame at last summer!" Lisa retorted.

"Yeah, and it's not like she did it in a Ford Escort, or something like a _Dodge_!" This statement was followed by a loud, deep, brassy laugh. I recognized the voice as Lafawnda's. She was probably my favorite nurse on the whole staff. A big motherly woman, she always has a sunny attitude and something hilarious and over-the-top to say to cheer patients up. I didn't even mind that she made a crack at my car.

"Anyway Katie, we all tried flirting with him and none of us ever got anywhere," Brenda piped up. "We all learned that on our first days too. Besides, he's married. I only saw his wife once, but I think she's a retired model or something. And not a shrew like Dr. Rosenberg's wife."

"Dude, every married doctor here tries to bone at least one of us. Except Dr. Cullen. He's the only one who hasn't tried anything with any of us."

"You're kidding. Not even Alicia? Who's so stacked she can't see the floor? I mean come on! I'm not gay or bi or anything but if I were him and had her flirting with me all the time, I would've taken her in the supply closet for a hot beef injection." This other nurse whose voice I didn't recognize sounded incredulous.

"Yeah. But nada. Not even Alicia. And just about _every_ male doctor here wants to fuck her," Lisa explained. I smiled to myself, wondering how that goth girl would react if she knew the real reason why Carlisle was so appealing. My smile disappeared at the talk of married doctors.

"Besides, you shouldn't date at work. Bad idea. This place is just too small. Lauren fucked that guy in radiology, she made me drop off all her x-rays for six months. And he was just some schmuck technician, Dr. Cullen is like, the Big Kahuna. The BMOC. Everyone here worships him, me included. Every girl on this floor would want you dead if you succeeded, which I doubt you will. None of us seem to be good enough for him, like, don't waste your time." Brenda was laying down the law.

"I know, but dude…he's _smoking_. I totally almost came in my pants when he smiled at me. The question isn't as much what I'd like to do alone in a room with him, but more like what I _wouldn't_ do to him!" Katie sounded hopeful.

Lafawnda let her down gently. "Honey, the day you do that, is the day I fit into a size four."

"Men like Dr. Cullen are proof that God is a man: He put them here purely to torture us." Brenda sighed.

"No honey, the main proof that God is a man is that if God was a _woman_, then she would've made sperm taste like chocolate." I tried not to bust out laughing so I wouldn't draw attention to the door. That Lafawnda. She should start her own YouTube show, I swear.

They all cracked up then Lisa spoke with a daring edge to her voice. "But I'd like to at least hedge a bet—providing that Dr. Cullen _does_ actually sleep with women, I'd bet that a totally hot experienced doctor like him…" There was much maniacal giggling.

"…would really know his way around a woman's bits." _Well, Carlisle definitely does. If only they knew just how many years of experience he has._

Katie snorted in laughter. "Why, is he a gynecologist?"

Another nurse who sounded sort of like a female equivalent of Beavis chimed in, "Dude, I wish he was. I think women would actually look forward to going!" I couldn't help but laugh as did the other nurses. She's totally right.

"No, just a GP. But oh man I can't believe I never thought of that, he'd be booked years in advance if he was a gynecologist."

Lafawnda spoke again. "Girls, just because he's a doctor doesn't mean he knows his way around a woman's pussy any better than some of these other guys we hooked up with. I mean, remember that doctor Alicia used to sleep with?"

"Dude, he was a podiatrist. She faked it with him the whole time. We only told her she'd make a guy with a foot fetish really happy some day so long as he didn't serve on the Senate."

"But he had to study anatomy right? Then there's no excuse for at least _trying_!"

"Oh yeah…" There was a unison of disappointed realizations. I got scared when the voices and footsteps sounded like they were getting closer, at which point my hand froze. To my relief, they went away as the nurses went back to their duties.

_Well, he _does_ know his way around my body, I could tell you that._ At that thought, my hands quickly went back to work and I got into it.

I didn't even hear the flick of a keycard and the door opening. I heard the footsteps and gasped, then quickly grabbed a pile of scrubs that were laying on an adjacent chair so I could cover myself up.

I looked up and saw Carlisle, a sexy smile dancing on his lips.

"Looks like you could use a hand."

Locking the door behind him, he returned to me and more gently this time, brought his lips to mine while he climbed on top of me. The freezing stainless steel on my bare back coupled with the cold man I was underneath sent shivers all over my body as I kept stimulating myself with my right hand. Pressing my rock-hard nipples into his body, I passionately returned the kiss and moaned into his mouth when his hand replaced my own. He let out an aroused hiss.

I felt wave after wave of pleasure as he pushed his fingers inside me, applying more pressure to my clit, the cold electricity of his fingertips bringing me to an earth-shattering orgasm. With a sharp high-pitched moan, I came, my soft wetness ready to take him once again.

"Get back inside me," I beckoned. "Break me again."

Catching my breath, we both sat upright. I rested my head against his chest. He kissed my fingertips. His hands on my breasts, those perfect lips met mine again.

Carlisle picked me up off the table, and propped me up against the wall next to it. He heaved a heavy sigh then pulled my hand to his erection so I could feel it straining against the confines of his pants. Black eyes gazed me in want. Licking my lips, I gave it a gentle squeeze and the heat rushed to my face.

"You want this?" God, that voice was like whiskey-soaked velvet. I was already wet but the sensual way he spoke made me even more ready for him to enter me.

"Yes!"

"You need it inside you?" _Like you can't imagine._

"Badly." My voice cracked.

"Tell me, how badly."

Next thing I knew, my face was flush against the wall. I heard his pants drop.

"It's all I kept thinking about while you were gone," I whimpered in arousal.

My hair was being stroked then pushed away so he could kiss the back of my neck. He was gently biting my earlobe. It was all turning me on to no end, and I had to have him deep within me. Now.

Breathing heavily, one hand was against the wall and the other on my hip. I could feel the curved tip of his hard cock near my entrance.

"Sorry I couldn't finish you off earlier. I hope this makes up for it."

With that, Carlisle roughly penetrated me from behind. My cheek against the cool wall, I gasped at how good that entry felt. It was a different sensation from how he'd made love to me previously.

His long, smooth thrusts were slow at first then quickened as he pounded me harder.

My hands gripped the wall as I tightened around his pulsating hardness. I cried out in pleasure as all of his manhood stabbed into me deeper and deeper.

He hit into that sinfully wonderful spot once again to make me moan his name, his strong hands grasping my body as he pulled me from reality once again.

"Fuck me harder!" I yelled.

Carlisle accidentally broke some of the wall as he dug into it to push into me as far as possible. It hurt and felt good at the same time. All of the heightened sensations made me cum quicker this time, and as I shook I felt him harden as his breathing became labored. In a conflagration where I could only see the gray wall, I screamed as I tightened around his hard cock that was releasing inside me.

The mutual orgasm felt like a 9.5 earthquake. Shaking and panting, I stood while he pulled out.

Carlisle's cold hands were relieving as he placed them on the sides of my face. "My…you're burning up." Our lips met in passion, his eyes a topaz hue from satisfaction.

We got dressed and straightened up. He held me to his chest.

"Bella, amazing as that was, we can't keep this up. We shouldn't."

"Carlisle…don't you feel something though?"

"Yes. You've made me feel passion that I hadn't felt since I was human. I may be experienced but you've shown me sensations that I didn't know were possible."

I blushed and I could see the light in his eyes. I didn't dare want to say the L-word for it should not be taken lightly or in vain. But I felt something for him that was more than just appreciating his ability to give me mind-blowing orgasms. I carefully chose my words. "But I see this as something more than an affair. And then there was our promise."

The guilt in his bronze eyes shone through. "I do care about you, Bella. But in turn I also broke promises to my son and moreso, my wife." The same burning guilt returned to me.

"Then perhaps things weren't meant to be the way they were?" Our eyes met.

For a long time, Carlisle looked off into the distance. I couldn't even hear the gossiping nurses outside, the silence was deafening. All I could comprehend is that he was taking my words at more than face value.

After what seemed like an eternity, he took my hand in his. "Bella…Edward will be stopping by Charlie's tonight. When you get home, burn your clothes and wash all of my scent off of you.

When the time is right for us to meet again, you will know." He kissed my hand.

"Until then, you should get home. My shift's almost over and Charlie's probably going to be looking for you."

My hair whipped around me as I turned around to stare into his beautiful face once more. "Until then, Carlisle." My lips touched his and I ran my fingers down his chest before I headed out the door. _That should give him something to think about until next time, whenever that will be._

I made my way to the hospital's main corridor and tried to act as normal as possible. It didn't seem like anyone was giving me strange looks but I couldn't help but be self-conscious as I walked with a slight limp. I glanced out the window and saw that it was already dark out. Like last time, our intense lovemaking made the hours seem like minutes.

I was almost out of triage when I heard Brenda, Lisa, and Lafawnda at the nurse's station continuing their discussion in hushed voice.

"I saw Dr. Cullen go into this room for a while and I can swear I heard this girl sound like she was shooting a porno movie in there," Brenda said in a low voice. I felt my heart almost stop. I stood behind the wall so I could eavesdrop.

"I wonder who it was? Does she work here? Or maybe is he fucking one of his patients?" Lisa inquired.

"Shh! Not so loud!" Lafawnda wanted to detract attention when a few people waiting in chairs nearby looked at them. "For all we know, it was someone in pain or a coma sleep-talking. We can't jump to conclusions."

"If he is screwing one of his patients, I have to say I wouldn't report him. He does so much good for the community...and oh hell, I'd probably pretend to be sick so he could visit me in bed!" Lisa declared.

I tried to sneak past the nurse's station inconspicuously, but they all looked up when my sneaker accidentally squeaked against the floor.

"Bella honey! How are you! What did you break this time?"

"Hi Lafawnda! Just some burns, no big deal." I couldn't believe they were just talking about me and seemed totally unaware that it _was_ me in the intern bunker with Carlisle.

"Just use that topical cream the doctor prescribed and it'll be gone in no time, sugar. Take care of yourself and say hi to Charlie for me."

"No problem, Lafawnda. Good night."

I made a quick egress, avoiding eye contact with anyone and everyone on the way back to my Dodge.

The second I was out the door, I didn't hear the following exchange.

"Bella looked really happy about something. A little too happy for someone who was in a car wreck." Lisa's eyes narrowed.

"And she didn't have the topical cream," Brenda added.

Lafawnda waved her hand. "The child's been through a lot. And she's always scratching herself up. Maybe she just shoved the tube in her purse."

Brenda snapped her fingers. "That's it. That's who I saw leave the room after Dr. Cullen."

Lisa and Lafawnda looked at her incredulously. "No way. Isn't she dating his _son_?"

Lafawnda shook her head. "I just saw Dr. Cullen over there," nodding towards triage where he was doing paperwork. "Bella came from a totally different part of the hospital."

Brenda shrugged. "Guess there's a lot of pretty girls with brown hair, could've been any one of his patients or interns." She fingered her own red curly locks. "And maybe it's time for this girl to get a dye job if that's the case."

Lisa laughed. "I don't change anything for a man. Except for positions when things need playing up or start to get boring."

Lafawnda laughed and high-fived her. "Girl, you preaching to the choir."


	12. Chapter 12: Pyretta

It was much later in the night, I had dinner alone and watched some guilty pleasure TV and bad movies for a cheap distraction.

I did almost exactly as Carlisle said: I took a long hot shower, the second one I'd had that day, to abate the soreness and wash his scent off me. But due to my lack of clean clothes, I quickly gathered up all my dirty clothes to take to the washing machine and dumped in an entire bottle of detergent. I didn't have the budget to burn, throw out, or donate clothes after wearing them once like Alice insisted upon.

I threw on some clean sweatpants and a shirt that covered the massive amount of new bruises from today's rough sex session. I had to bite my lip to prevent getting wet every time I thought about Carlisle shoving me against the wall, up against the examination table…how we risked getting caught…

Regardless, I was thoroughly worn out from it. Genuinely tired, I curled up in my bed and shut the lights out before ducking under the covers. I had barely been in repose for an hour when Edward came in through my bedroom window.

"Bella." His voice was so soft, so loving. I felt tears well up in my eyes as that stabbing, aching guilt returned.

"Why are you crying?" His cold fingertips lightly brushed my face.

I made up the best bullshit excuse that has been any and every woman's alibi since 1997. "I saw Titanic. Twice in a row."

Edward smiled. "That would do it."

"And the Dodge…it's perfect. Oh god Edward, you shouldn't have." Real tears streamed down my face this time as the guilt corroded my insides to the point that I was sure I had eaten battery acid.

"Well, you wouldn't let me get you a BMW. And you always went on about Al Bundy...as luck would have it, a dealer in Tacoma sold it to me special." He kissed my tears away. _I do not deserve this man. Holy mother of fuck, I do not._

"Well, I love it." We kissed.

Edward's cold embrace enveloped me, only slightly warmed by the fact that he was still wearing clothes. I had almost forgotten what that was like at this rate. The chastity of the situation brought me back to old times when Charlie had no idea we were seeing each other…when I hadn't realized the sexual tension that had been building between me and Carlisle all along. When I was still just wondering about sex, not getting used to it.

He ran his hands through my hair, then his fingertips lightly grazed my collarbone. He gently brushed lips to mine. I reciprocated, caressing his shoulder before I fell asleep against his chest.

Darkness descended.

* * *

I was back in the fiery pit, only this time there was no ice around to save me. I saw a flaming wolf phase into a human, Jacob's form. Tall and blazing, small flames erupted from his hands every time he made a motion with them. He was yelling accusations at me, calling me a slut, a temptress, an adulterer.

The fire was taking more powerful shapes this time, and I saw more images and faces through the blaze. I could make out Charlie's and Renee's visages, Edward's scornful glare when he discovered me and Carlisle in his room, an instant replay of the intense sex I had in the intern bunker.

Jacob's flaming form tried to envelop me by backing me into a corner, the werewolves' heat trying to negate the vampiric coldness I had grown accustomed to.

In a death-defying move to attempt escape, I place my hand through the biggest flame on my immediate right. It seared and I could smell my flesh burn, but the flame below it I could touch without pain. The flames picked at my flesh, the conflagration rising ever higher.

I was raised on the pyre, burning, for the absolution that would never come.

"I…am…your…DESTINY!" Jacob's fiery shade screamed at me in a deeply distorted voice.

Suddenly, I felt some relieving iciness as I woke up with a start.

* * *

The iciness was Edward's hands on my body. I felt the heat in my face. We were laying apart except for his hands barely grazing my breasts. The way he groped seemed so much less refined than the way Carlisle did it. I immediately felt guilty as hell for making such a comparison. His hands went back to his sides.

"No…" he sleepily muttered. "Not tonight."

I was half-asleep, trying to shake off the image of the disturbing pyre dream that had come for the second night a row. And I didn't have sleeping pills to blame it on either.

"I said, not tonight!" He was a little more forceful this time.

Suddenly, Edward bolted upright in my bed. "Wait a minute. You're not pressuring me for sex. Really now, Bella, what's wrong?"

Still half-asleep I muttered, "Edward, I'm just tired."

"Bella, you're constantly trying to take my clothes off. You're worse than Peg Bundy. Something's clearly distracting you."

"Can't a girl be tired? I've been through a lot this week. I'm only human, damn it."

He sighed. "I suppose you're right."

"And I recognize that you want to wait until we're married. We'll just have to wait then."

I could tell he was smiling through the dark. "I'm glad you've come around." He kissed my neck.

Words couldn't describe how horrific I felt.

"I'm still just kind of pissed off that you and Carlisle tried to conspire to get bitten before I got home…"

Zoning in and out of sleep, I tuned out his speech on "not becoming a monster". The guilt consuming me at what Carlisle and I had done, and kept on doing, poked daggers all over my internal organs.

"But speaking of Carlisle, I'm kind of worried about him."

"Why?"

"Lately he seems to be distracted. Or hiding something. He's been reciting entire medical books back to back in his head, repeatedly. Especially Masters and Johnson."

I felt a lump rise in my throat, and sweat at my temples. I knew exactly what Carlisle was hiding. It was the very same thing I was hiding. Most of me was feeling like I deserved to be nailed to the cross, but a small part of me felt flattered that our time together was really on his mind that much.

I remained silent while Edward ran his fingers through my hair.

"He's being really guarded about his thoughts lately. Paranoid, almost. Bella?"

I pretended to be fast asleep. I didn't have to pretend for too long.

Carlisle revisited me in the dream that followed, we were passionately going at it in my bedroom. Then he turned into Edward as the whole room went up in flames.

* * *

**What will become of les liasions dangereux between Carlisle and Bella?**

**Where was Alice in all of this and why didn't she see any of it coming?**

**Will the flux capacitor get enough juice to go back to 1985?**

**Is Jacob going to be the equivalent of Linda Tripp?**

**Where the hell did I leave my keys?**

**Stay tuned! Put me and/or Red Dawn on your alert list for the next installment of ****horribly wrong lemony goodness!**

**And don't forget to show me some love in the reviews!**

* * *

**!!! UPDATE !!! 1/18/2010**

_My laptop is back, and the next installment will be here painfully soon! I took down the teaser because that's how soon it'll be._


	13. Chapter 13: Martyrdom

**Here's the next installment...****sorry it's a bit shorter (although in the form of three longer chapters instead of six shorter ones), but that means more future installments for all you die-hards. Shit's getting hectic now that tax season is underway and I have work to do, plus my friends are wondering where the hell I've been.**

**Ah fuck, who writes my rules anyway?!**

**You know the drill, what my font styles mean and all. And the M rating? In the words of much-underrated Mad Parade, "Sex, sex, violence, whoah yeah!" ****So pay attention to the 18+ warning but let your life experience dictate if you can understand the complex subject matters at hand.**

**Twilight (R) and all respective characters property of Stephenie Meyer.**

**"Taken By Surprise" property of Poison Idea**

**"My Ruin" property of Sevendust**

**"****Fire in the Rain****" property of ****Agent Orange**

**Chapter 13: Martyrdom**

I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes, more than slightly perturbed at the pyromaniac dreams I kept having. Edward was cold and peaceful at my side. I moved a lock of his bronze hair that had gone wayward towards his eye, reveling in its silky feel. He felt my hand on his face and kissed my fingertips.

Staring into his slightly closed citrine eyes, I felt overwhelmed with emotion. Guilt mostly. Then there was love, longing, but also frustration.

How had I come to love someone who tried to be so controlling of my life?

The love I felt had hit me like a Liston sucker punch; something that I had only seen in movies and read about in really shitty Harlequin novels with predictable endings. I had never in my life expected such a thing to happen to me. The turn my life had taken since I moved back to Forks was nothing short of stupefying: in more ways than one no less.

Forks turned out to be a mysterious vortex where I discovered all this supernatural phenomena, that included one of my childhood friends and the boy I fell head over heels for on the first day of school. One of which turned out to be a werewolf, the other had been seventeen for almost a century.

I thought Edward was the man I wanted to spend my life with, and wanted to become one of his kind. But he felt he was an inherently evil monster and didn't want me to cross over to immortality that he felt was damnation. But there was the control factor no less. He was there, all the time, one minute but then he called the shots on when to leave. It wasn't until recently that I finally started having a say in these things. I truly was a changed woman since the truck accident.

Nothing could change that he had selfishly left me when I thought things were perfect, telling me that he couldn't be with me, yet he wouldn't destroy my soul. That my disastrous birthday party was a reminder that he wasn't human and couldn't avoid his natural instincts no matter how hard he tried. But it's perfectly fine if I avoid my own?

I suppose I'd had more drama and excitement than most girls my age in that department, save for consummating prom night...

...where I thought I'd save myself for him, for losing my virginity had a double meaning. Biting didn't have to be synonymous though I wanted it to be. But circumstances led me to his creator, the one who invented a different way of life for them that he was trying to spread word of. A way of life that showed me what a beautiful and compassionate being he was but made other vampires regard them as the oddballs of their world. Having been a misfit my whole life, I could only relate too well. To me, he was far from damned. But proving inhumanity was becoming less and less clear to me, as lust and love clearly ruled vampires as much as it did humans, as did other emotions like jealousy, rage, and possessiveness.

I still wasn't completely sure what I'd felt for Carlisle. Was it just displaced lust? A burning attraction that I'd let go unnoticed all this time until recently? _Were_ things really not meant to be the way they were? I felt so helpless and confused. My thoughts were permeated with the painful and encompassing fire that kept visiting me from the back of my mind every night. I was well aware by now that he was the only one who would bite me without ending my life. But he had been right: we both owed it to Edward to wait, regardless of how much longer I would have to live my life in fear.

Gazing at the impossibly beautiful god in my bed, I knew that lightning bolt love was still there, that I still felt it, but it was making me so mad at the same time.

After all I'd been through, was speeding things up really too much to ask?

I laid my face against Edward's icy chest, he put his arm around me. "Morning, gorgeous." We kissed. His face slightly sparkled in the subdued sunglow.

I felt the guilt corrode me from the inside. We already sounded like an old married couple!

_Get it together, Swan. Most women would_ kill _for what you have._

_But I'm not most women_, the dark side replied. _And how often did Edward tell me he was tempted to kill me in the beginning?_

I had been so lost in my thoughts that I hadn't realized Edward actually spoke like he was in a recent decade. Something was putting him ill at ease. Knots formed in my stomach.

"What's wrong?"

His facial expression didn't change and he stared out my window. "Carlisle called a short while ago. Said to bring you, and that it was important."

I jumped out of bed. "Well, what are we still doing in bed? Let's go." _H__ow that phrase __should have been __in__ a different context, __i__n spite of __everything that's transpired__. __Maybe it _wouldn't_ have happened had he not been so insistent on waiting._

He was still looking out the window before he righted himself. "I'm just worried about Alice. She hasn't been able to see. I think it's because we're constantly dispersed between here, Port Angeles, and the periphery."

The ache inside heightened at the realization that the last time I saw Alice was last week, and that Jasper hadn't been around for a while because he took it upon himself to fight the outbreak the hardest, due to newborns being his area of expertise. I felt even worse knowing that the surrounding areas had to be patrolled further on my behalf. _Which if I was bitten already, we wouldn't have this freakin problem __and I could join the retaliating force__._

I held his hand. "I'm sure Alice is fine, and she has Jasper to fight at her side. These things right themselves eventually, don't they?" I asked softly.

Edward sighed. "I suppose you're right. Well, we should go to the house. See what Carlisle has to tell us."

He headed downstairs so I could get dressed. How modest.

I sorted through last night's fresh load of laundry, settling on the most un-sexy ensemble I could come up with. I spied the too-tight shirt from yesterday along with the jeans Carlisle had passionately almost ripped off of me, and promptly stashed them in the bottom drawer of my dresser where I kept things I didn't want other people finding. I reached for my car keys on the nightstand and walked downstairs.

Edward spied the keys and dictated with one eyebrow raised, "I retrieved the Volvo while you were asleep. We're _not_ taking the Dodge."

I pouted. "But I just put the fender back on!"

That crooked smile I adored was coming up and it tugged at my heartstrings. He could probably hear that. "Oh fine then, we'll take the Dodge. But I'm driving."

"Spoilsport." I gave him the keys.

We were on the driveway and like a perfect gentleman, Edward opened the passenger side for me and the entire door almost came off. Once I got inside, he dented it back into place. The Dodge was fragile to start with, I wondered how the hell he got it home from Tacoma in the first place with that imperceptible brute force.

After several kickstarts, he got the Dodge to go into gear. Being so used to his ludicrously fast imported cars and tendency to regard speed limit signs as decorations, I was scared of what would happen when Edward tried to make the Bundymobile go above fifty-five. I could almost hear that cheesy Sammy Hagar ballad.

After he backed the Dodge out of the driveway, we both reached for the radio dial at the same time. His crooked smile mirrored my own when I recalled feeling how cold his hand was when we reached for the dial after he rescued me in Port Angeles.

He managed to get it unstuck from the metal station but tuned into the Washington State University station where it was now stuck. A band the DJ referred to as "Portland's native sons" was being showcased.

"_**Of all the torment I've been through...I never knew hell til I met you."**_

I immediately felt a lump rise in my throat. Edward stared straight ahead while keeping an eyebrow raised. I had to break the awkward silence.

"So what do you expect Carlisle wants to talk about?" Just his name on the tip of my tongue was making me tremble, deliciously wrong as this past week had been.

"The outbreak and what will hopefully not become an impending war. At least I hope so."

"_**Your imperious aura, your needs understood, you wouldn't tell me the truth if you could..."**_

I sighed. "I'm worried about Charlie. He's been in Port an awful lot lately because the county needs all the help they can get...the newspapers are still touting the whole thing as serial killers and murder-suicides." I shuddered.

Edward's expression softened. "Look, Bella...I promise that we'll take extra special care of Charlie. Emmett and I have already had close watch of him."

"_**For a moment I thought I saw something in your eyes. That's when I was taken by surprise..."**_

"I'll personally make sure none of these rogues go near him." He assuredly rubbed my shoulder, sending chills down my spine.

A loud, echoing whine assaulted my ears, he only slightly winced. "You weren't kidding when you said you wanted a piece of crap."

"Hey, no insulting the Dodge in my presence!" I playfully punched his shoulder. "Don't make my baby go any faster than this. Besides, I have to worry about what would happen should it burn out and crash."

With that, his expression turned severe and kept his eyes on the road, albeit not pushing the Dodge further than it should go.

"_**That night in that room full of violent screams, when you whispered to me your secret dreams: as we both lay there on the floor, you said it takes two to start a war."**_

I felt the heat flush to my face as I realized this harsh prose was a retelling of a few nights ago.

My breathing and heartbeat quickened, and I was pretty sure it was the onset of a panic attack. _I can't deal with this, not with Edward right next to me. And oh god I'm going to have to be in the same room with him and Carlisle. I don't think I can take this._

Edward turned to me, concerned. "Are you okay, Bella?"

"_**Show no sadness! Face of poker, show no fears! Overwhelming, show no mercy! Mediocre, show no tears."**_

I nodded. "Just stressed out. I think I need some fresh air." I opened the window and the crank completely fell off. Looks like I'd need to make a Bronx window, ie, duct tape and clear garbage bags.

The wind whipped into my face at what seemed like seventy miles an hour in spite of the Dodge's ability to move like a snail on Valium. "I'm just really worried about Charlie. I don't want anything to happen to him."

"Bella, you have my solemn vow that I'll make sure nothing happens to him. I'll fight these rogues to the death if I have to. That's my future father-in-law we're talking about here."

The knots in my stomach twisted further and I almost wanted to throw up. It wasn't so much the marriage talk again that upset me but the fact that I was questioning everything in my love life right now, while he promised to go out of his way to protect my father. A promise he would be more apt to keep than other ones he had made.

We pulled up to his impressive house. I felt the fear rise in my throat as I spied Carlisle's Mercedes on the other side of the garage. I gingerly opened the door of the Dodge.

"Just get out on the passenger side. I don't want the driver door to go missing because your gentle pull is far different from my gentle pull." Edward silently complied.

"Hey, I heard that Dodge coming from almost ten miles away!" Emmett's voice boomed through what seemed like the entire house. He greeted us at the garage door with a huge grin for me. I smiled back weakly, his good-natured ribbing would make me feel better. Although I was unsure for much longer he would be this good-natured towards me.

We entered the house and made our way to the living room where Emmett returned to Rosalie's side. She was half-leaning against the opulent black leather couch in rumpled designer clothes, looking like a page out of Elle. The GQ counterpart was across the room in a timeless black suit, looking every bit the leader. I was trying so hard not to look at him. It felt too humiliating with Edward next to me, not to mention I was imagining the scathing reactions of Rosalie and Emmett if they knew what was going on.

But temptation got the better of me, and I stole a glance at Carlisle. His beauty still took my breath away. The smile he sent my way made me go weak in the knees, although it did not have a seductive overtone.

Much to my delight, Alice was seated near Carlisle. It made looking in his general direction less awkward as I was genuinely happy to see her again.

The only parties not present were Jasper and Esme, presumably they were still fighting in Port Angeles or perhaps seeking aid from the Denalis or another friendly coven.

I didn't know if this was a good or a bad thing, seeing as how I would probably break down and cry if I had to face her. I felt worse trying to picture her fighting, much of it for my and my father's sake no less. I hoped she was asking other good and neutral parties for help in driving off the horde, no one could say no to a beautiful and kind woman like her.

We all turned our attention to Carlisle when he began to speak.

"So, word has it that the Volturi are going to interfere because Port Angeles has been totally razed. They feel that this rabid outbreak is going to blow our secrecy, too much is at risk for them. Almost all of the civilians have abandoned the town for fear of their lives. The only people coming and going lately are police officers, soldiers, and covert operations teams. Namely military intelligence agents." He paused. "This includes Bella's father. And several other people who are putting their lives at stake for something that is far different than what they believe it is."

"It also means more people for these rogues to possibly transform into even more bloodthirsty newborns if they don't kill them first," Emmett interjected.

My god. I had been so caught up in my own risky liaisons, the soul-crushing lust and guilt now being followed by confusion and what might be regret, that I hadn't stopped to really think about the horrendous bloodbath that was part of this whole problem in the first place.

Edward had always went on about vampires being inherently evil. That deep down, they were all monsters, cold-blooded killers. That even though his family refused to kill humans, namely due to Carlisle's need for atonement and disgust with what he'd become in the seventeenth century, this behavior made them seen as outcasts in the vampire world and they couldn't avoid that inherency.

This carnage taking place so close to home, and in a place where my life had been previously threatened, suddenly made the picture so much clearer as to why Edward was reluctant to bite me.

But it also made the picture far clearer as to why I should be bitten as soon as possible, so I wouldn't meet my maker the way these unfortunate citizens of Port Angeles did. What made me angry was that these poor people had nothing to do with this. They didn't wander into the supernatural realm like I did.

"I have a feeling that if we take down the leader, the rest will scatter so we can easily finish them off," Edward dictated.

"But how will we do that?" Alice inquired. It struck me how much I really missed her wind chime voice, it was reminiscent of when the pain hit me full-force when the family had first departed all that time ago. "Just who IS the leader? We already took down Victoria and Riley, and things had been quiet for a while. That entire nomadic coven is dead. Who could be behind this invasion?"

"Friends of theirs, neutral supporters, perhaps," Rosalie mused.

"Every time we think we're getting close to this 'mastermind', it always turns out to be a false lead or just another bloodlust-crazed newborn," Emmett declared. "We burn down one rogue but five more come to its funeral. Whoever's behind this is a pretty smart and calculating individual."

"Since Bella's life is at stake, I was thinking that maybe we should ask the wolf pack for help," Carlisle added.

Edward was incredulous. "Jacob might be willing to fight at our side but I don't know about the rest of them."

"If it means stopping the slaughter of innocents and skirmishes getting too close to the treaty line, they could change their minds."

Impulsively, I spoke up. "What if we were to bait the leader?" All heads turned to me.

"What are you saying?" Edward's voice was laced with panic. "I am _not_ taking you to Port Angeles. You are not going to be rabid vampire bait."

Unwavered, I stood my ground. "What if we have no other choice? Too many people are dying. Worse yet, what if the Volturi come? I'll meet the end either way." I made sure to really add an air of finality to my words, to show them that I meant business.

After everything that had transpired, I felt it was only right to potentially be the sacrificial lamb. This bloodbath had to stop, and I had no doubts that this horde was looking for me. I wanted to do whatever I could to prevent these monsters from bringing harm to the people I loved: my family, my friends, my soulmate. My lover.

"She does have a point," Rosalie quipped.

"We're not risking her life!" Edward snapped at her. I almost took a step back, his voice practically shook the room. "I said no the first time she suggested getting in the clearing. We're dealing with a much bigger horde and more powerful leader this time."

"But what if this is the only way to end this carnage? People could start looking to us if it gets closer to home," Alice said.

"Look, Rose and I will come with you for back-up." Emmett stared Edward in the eye with determination. "Carlisle and Alice will stay here to hold down the fort. I think Jasper's still there fighting and Esme went to look for help." His voice softened. "And I'll make sure nothing happens to Bella, they'll have to go through me first." This elicited a sardonic glare from Rosalie.

"So I say we take a vote again. I don't want the Volturi here any more than you do. Who's in favor of me going to Port Angeles to try and stop this war?" I stood tall, unafraid of what I could possibly face.

Emmett clapped his fists together. "I've been busting heads left and right and I won't stop until the Port is safe again. I'll use my new chokehold on anyone who lays a finger on Bella."

Rosalie sighed. "If Emmett's in, I'm in." He clasped her hand in his and they looked into each others' eyes. "I will always fight at his side."

Alice gave a wayward glance. "It's crazy and kinda dangerous, but it just might work."

Pain danced in Carlisle's eyes. "If it means ending the war, I'm in favor."

Edward's expression was stony. "So it looks like I'm outvoted once again." He turned to me. "But I'm guarding you with my life. You're not to leave my sight the entire time. And we're not taking the Dodge."

Emmett ran to his room and back to the living room in barely twenty seconds to get his keys. "We should have two getaway cars. Go with Bella in the Volvo, Rose and I will get in the Jeep."

"I left the Volvo at Bella's so we could take the Dodge," Edward retorted, sounding none too pleased.

"Okay then, we'll take Rose's BMW." She looked pissed off.

I looked around the room, and felt a lump rise in my throat. What if I never did see any of them again? I had faith that Edward, Emmett, and Rosalie would save me from the brink of death. But what if I was in a situation like being held captive by James again? This sadist was clearly smarter and more powerful than James and Victoria.

With that, I ran to the other side of the room towards Alice. I heard the closest vampires come to sobbing when she pulled me into a bonecrushing hug.

"Trust me, Bella. You'll be fine." Her words were slightly reassuring but I still wasn't totally certain.

I braced myself for the hardest farewell and walked over to Carlisle, who stood up. He pulled me into a tender embrace.

"Carlisle," I whispered in the lowest timbre possible. "If I don't come back, I want you to know how much I valued our time together. They were the most incredible experiences of my life."

Tears almost sprang to my eyes when his lips brushed the back of my neck in a manner that seemed somewhat chaste.

"Please don't say your goodbyes. I have faith in you, Bella," he whispered. "You will return. You will see me again when the time is right." I pulled away him, unable to bear the longing and agony I saw in his bronze eyes.

I gasped at the sound of Emmett cracking a 2 x 4 in half while Rosalie distributed lighters. "All right, whoever they may be-- this bitch is TOAST!"

Edward's arm was around my waist as he led me back to the garage, where I silently climbed into his Volvo feeling as though I could climb Mount Everest yet jump into the Ring of Fire.

"_**Face of poker: show no fear."**_


	14. Chapter 14: Jihad

We pulled up to the outskirts of Port Angeles, and I gasped in shock at the vision of destruction that lay before me.

Almost no structure was intact. Several buildings and houses had been razed to the ground, some of them only half-broken and others still standing, but all were damaged in some way. There were police line cordons up around several properties, and condemnation posts. No human life was to be found. The dead silence hung in the air like a dense gray fog.

"My god," I involuntarily whispered, as Edward took me by the hand to slowly make our way down the main avenue. A cold gust of wind carrying the smell of death assaulted my nostrils and poked goosebumps all over my body. I was overcome with nausea and dreadful premonitions.

Memories flooded back to me for I hadn't been to Port Angeles in a very long time.

We passed the now-demolished movie theater, then the bookstore where I found the book on Quileute legends. I hoped the kindly store owner had escaped although there was a very low probability of this. I spied the dress shop where Angela and Jessica had tried on prom dresses while I sat disinterested in the corner. It was surprisingly intact although all that remained besides the framework was a few battered mannequins and broken windows.

Edward squeezed my hand when we walked past the restaurant we went to the night those scumbags tried to attack me. Only a few pieces of the sign, some tables, and the building's skeleton remained.

He was keeping watch for any signs of vampires, but didn't seem to be having any luck so far. I was shocked because I figured that by taking me with him, he'd have a better chance of confronting the leader because my blood would severely call to him or her. Suddenly, he twitched.

"There's another human nearby." He led me further down the walk, to a half-destroyed townhouse.

There was no need to knock or do anything, the door was already off the hinges and splintered into several pieces. We walked inside and although I lacked a vampire's superior olfactory sense, even I could smell the rusty, ferrous miasma of blood. If Edward could smell another live human in here, I was truly afraid of what kind of horrific scene was waiting for us. With a sharp intake of foul breath I braced myself, holding his hand tightly.

We went upstairs, where I noticed bloodstains on the walls and some on the stairs in a dragging pattern that indicated someone had struggled to stay alive. I felt my stomach lurch when a glance into one of the open doorways told me that it was a child's bedroom. I didn't want to look any further and fought back nausea as Edward slowly and carefully led me down the hall. My panicked breathing felt like thunder crashing about in my lungs.

"It's okay, Bella," he whispered. "I'm here. There's a man back here who's just very scared. He's not going to hurt you."

I nodded and breathed a sigh of relief. I'd take Edward's word for it that there was no imminent danger, but it still couldn't stop the general unease I felt at being in this demolished town. It couldn't abate the turning of my stomach at seeing the spoils of war firsthand.

Edward gently pushed the door open. We entered the room, and I'm sure that it must've been a nice-looking master bedroom at one point. But the walls and the large mirror on the vanity table were splattered with blood. I could tell that these bloodlust-driven newborn vampires had made short work of the mattress full of browned bloodstains. A dresser was reduced to splinters.

Broken glass was all over the floors, mostly from the windows and mirrors, but also from a few scattered picture frames. A look at one overturned frame showed a waterlogged photo of a middle-aged couple with two boys, one in his teens and another one who appeared about eight. I felt tears well up in my eyes at the realization that this poor man had lost his family and had his home destroyed. _These wretched creatures are most likely looking for me: so it's my goddamn fault!_

In the corner, a man in his late fifties or possibly early sixties was sitting down on the floor with his chin against his knees. He was practically catatonic.

"Sir?" Edward asked. No answer.

"Excuse me, sir? Are you alright?" he pressed.

He touched the man's shoulder, he recoiled at Edward's glacial touch. His eyes were wide with fear.

"Who are you with? The 5-0? FBI? The army?" The man's voice quavered.

"None of them, we're just civilians," Edward replied in his most velvety voice in attempt to calm him down. The man regarded us strangely, as though he knew we were far from ordinary civilians.

"We just want to know if you can tell us more about what's been going on here," I gently inquired.

"Well, you should get the hell out while you can. I served in Vietnam but never seen anything like this. I thought I'd never have to.

But these killers are cold-blooded and like nothing I'd ever seen or been warned about in the service. They get you with their bare teeth, they'll rip your jugular right out without a second thought. They can pick up a 350-pound man and throw him like a softball. I keep expecting the burning smell of napalm." His expression was one of shell-shocked horror. "Now my wife and my boys are gone. Terrorized in our own fucking home." I could feel his grief as though it were my own, and the pain swelled in my heart. I could feel Edward's bronze eyes on me soften.

"Sir, do you want to come with us? There's evacuation centers set up all over the county. My father's the chief of police in Forks. And I'm sure there's veterans' assistance programs that could help you get back on your feet." I felt that helping this poor man, one who had served our country no less, was the least I could do.

He adamantly shook his head. "I was born here and god damn it, I'm going to die here."

Edward shook his head. "I understand your civic pride, but you really should come with us. I promise that you'll be safer with us than the Army, trust me."

"No, son. The brothers I lost in Saigon are waiting for me, so's my dear Elizabeth and our kids. I promised that cold-blooded sonofabitch that he'd have to come back for me."

This stopped the both of us in our tracks. "Could you tell us about this cold-blooded sonofabitch?" I prodded.

"He's almost seven feet tall and has brown hair. He's very pale...much like you," he said in a paranoid tone while eyeing Edward.

"Thank you," I said. "We'll find him. And I'm sorry about your family."

He shrugged and knocked back most of a metal flask that was laying on the ground. "You two are young with your lives ahead of you. Get the hell out of here and run for your lives while you can. Me, I'm ready to go to the other side, nothing left here for me. I built this house with my own two hands when I came back from the war, I had faith I was going to come home in one piece. I did. Now my wife, my friends, my boys are waiting for me in God's country. I was born here, and I'm gonna die here." He paused to drink again and held his fist up to the ceiling.

"I'm a-coming, Elizabeth!" he shouted. "I'm gonna join you soon, honey!"

Taking another deep swig from his flask, he produced a harmonica out of his vest pocket to play "Taps" as he clutched a medal to his chest.

A hot tear tacitly rolled down my cheek.

Ever the strong silent type, Edward gingerly brushed it away before putting one arm around my shoulder and the other around my waist as he led me out of the house.

I took a few deep breaths as soon as we were outside, Edward's hand on the small of my back the entire time. We sat down on a piece of debris, where I put my head between my knees to breathe again. Bullshit yoga DVDs, this wasn't working at all. He gently rubbed my back, sending chills all over me.

It started to rain, and the cool droplets felt soothing on my face although it made the air significantly colder. What started out as a pleasant drizzle soon turned into a raging downpour, my hair and shirt were getting soaked. Edward removed his jacket so I could wear it.

"Come on, let's find shelter before you catch a cold. This bastard has to smell you sooner or later."

Taking his hand, we started going back the way we came, running past one burned out structure after another in the watery haze. We were close to the restaurant when he suddenly pulled me into what appeared to be a small abandoned apartment building.

The dwelling was dry and slightly warm, but it had that dusty smell of abandonment peppered with the stench of spilled blood and burnt flesh. The reek of mildew wafted through the doorway.

Most of the doors to the ransacked apartments were gone, and Edward led me inside the closest one. It was dark and gray, the walls were covered in peeling paint, and all that remained of the tenant's belongings was a tattered mattress and a dresser torn down to its frame. Dried blood was splattered on the faded mildew-soaked shag carpet.

We sat down on the mattress. I shivered when another gust of freezing wind carrying the scent of carnage flew in through the dirty, broken window.

"_**Inside my shadow, I can hear you. Am I near you?"**_

"Bella, oh god," Edward's voice was impassioned as he cradled himself into the nape of my neck, my arm around his taut shoulder.

I took his fingertips into my hand and slightly kissed them. They felt colder than usual against my lips.

"You know I haven't been able to trust Alice's visions these days, which are getting rarer. What if something really does happen to you after we go back outside or they come searching for us here? What if I fail you again?"

"_**Inside my shadow, I can smell you...can I tell you?"**_

I brushed back his silky bronze hair. "Edward, you're not going to fail me." _I already failed you._ "And I trust Alice, I think I'm going to be fine." _Problem is, will you be able to trust me if this all blows over? I can't say that I'd blame you if you couldn't again._

"That man, the Vietnam veteran...it reminded me, it made me think. You know, back in the days of World War II and the Korean War, a lot of women didn't know if they'd ever see their soldiers again." He heaved a deep sigh.

Curiously, his eyes were approaching the same shade as mine: the mellow amber was darkening.

"Sometimes they were regarded as rebellious national heroes for their actions. For ignoring polite society's rules about marriage. In case their boys didn't come home."

"_**Inside my shadow, I can love you, think I need you..."**_

"Edward, what are you saying?"

He turned to face me, his umber eyes locked on mine. "That perhaps if this is the end, then we should make the most of our time together." The following silence felt like an eternity.

I stared back into his unbending gaze and now found myself sinking into an onyx ocean.

_Why couldn't he have looked at me like this when we had the house to ourselves last week?_

In spite of dying for this moment, a burning thirst that felt like I'd had it all my life, I found myself panicked at the idea of having sex with him. Being that this would be his first time, he wouldn't be able to tell I wasn't a virgin. But it made me nervous nonetheless, not to mention dirty and shameful. And not in a good way.

_Why god why can't I see him the way I used to?_

"_**Inside my shadow, I can feel you I've erased you..."**_

The Korean War analogy really hit home. Edward still lived in that era, apparently a woman who had premarital sex with her soldier boyfriend was seen as a patriot...this concept has a totally different meaning, or lack thereof, nowadays.

My heart began to race. I was so taken aback.

With that, Edward forcefully pressed his lips to mine, shoving me down onto the mattress, much he like he did that fated time in my bedroom. I cradled my fingers in his hair and couldn't tell what coursed through me as his yearning hands ran up my thigh. Was it nervousness, excitement, longing? Roughly and suddenly, he pulled my leg around his hip. The sound of the drumming rain mixed with our concurrent heavy breathing, it felt like it was tearing my eardrums out.

He kissed me again, more gently this time, his ebon-eyed expression one of undying love.

"_**Am I real? AM I REAL?"**_

_This is not the time to feel guilty about what and who I've done. If I really am about to meet the end now, I need to take this for all its worth. My feelings for Carlisle may be ambiguous at this point, I think I love him but don't quite know yet. But I know for sure that I love Edward and always have. Something about this feels more...**right**, amazing as my times with Carlisle were._

_Except that I feel somewhat ashamed for finally doing this with him._

I kissed Edward back with fervor, running my hands down his perfectly formed back, digging my nails into his marble skin with passion. Gently, I bit his lip and heard a low growl as he nervously moved his hand down my thigh. _He's inexperienced and has wavering self-control. Go easy on him._ Lacing my fingers into his, I held his hand there, not yet beckoning it to move lest an explosive reaction occur.

He lightly kissed my collarbone and I heard his breathing quicken. It became thundering when his icy fingertips caressed my chest, instantly hardening my nipples on contact. In spite of how shameful and come to think of it, scared, that I was, I could feel the wetness pool in me.

"_**Save my ruin! Injust, my world has turned to rust."**_

Sensing this, Edward pressed into me so hard that I was sure there was now a Bella-shaped hole in the mattress. Freezing marble was driving me into the ground. He kissed my neck so roughly that I thought he was going to draw blood. _Goddamnit. They all come close to drawing blood, but then won't actually do it._

His right hand was still on my thigh, the other one softly snaking around my breast. Feeling both afraid and slightly turned on, I moved his right hand to the hem of my shirt. The grasp of his granite arms turned into a chokehold.

"It's okay," I softly whispered, although it felt as though all the air was being squashed out of my lungs.

"I don't want to hurt you," he seethed. For the first time since he shoved me down on the mattress, I looked him in the eye. He was avoiding my gaze. _Oh god. __He can't even get my shirt off, he looks like he's in pain._

"You're not hurting me. You're doing fine." It was an outright lie and he probably knew it. I recalled the ironwork being crushed to dust, the scalding shame when he slapped my hand away...which led me to crash my truck and end up in bed with Carlisle for several hours.

Guiltily, I kept thinking about his amazing prowess in bed, characterized by his gentility and skill, in order to keep myself aroused and into this. Any pleasure I was feeling right now was overshadowed by excruciating pain. I was being reminded of C-clamps from eighth grade shop class, never once stopping to think that I could possibly relate to a plank being held in by one.

"_**If there's tomorrow, you'd be buried...and that just scares me."**_

But if we had no other chance after I coaxed the leader out of his or her hiding place, we had to do this.

Edward sighed and rested against my chest, I caressed his shoulders, rubbing circles in his back. Taking a deep breath, he moved my shirt up and I helped him remove it. This elicited a deep, animalistic growl from him and next thing I knew, he forcefully turned us over so I was on top of him. His lips against my neck, I could feel his immense hardness rub against my thigh in the process. I recalled a time when I so badly wanted to touch it, but after all that had happened in the past week, right now I'd feel as though I were violating him.

I could hear a small voice from within me. _Don't feel that way. How many times has he been so dominating of your life? He didn't even ask for your consent just now. He compared your situation to the Korean War, which is a bit much to begin with, then threw you down on a filthy mattress. _

_Carlisle took almost an hour just to get you _into_ bed. He didn't put you through unnecessary pain._

Tears strained at my eyes from both this realization and the physical agony of his vise-like grip.

Choking out the voice, I unbuttoned his shirt so he could take it off. I felt him grip my wrists hard enough to bruise, until I heard him mutter, "Show some restraint. Don't hurt her." then his hold relented. With that, I arched my back and Edward touched my bare breasts. The touch was light and feathery at first until his icy grasp became stronger, it was both painful and pleasurable. It elicited a few moans from me. He was growling the entire time and I could feel him tensing up.

I ran my hand down his rock-hard diamond chest, placing light kisses everywhere. My hand stopped at the waistband of his pants and I could hear his breathing quicken. It sounded like he was half-breathing, half-growling. A leak sprang in the other side of the dingy room, the barraging rain made short work of what remained of the roof.

_Be brave, Bella. Anything can happen now._

Mustering up all my courage, I gently stroked the tumescence that rested under my thigh. I heard a grating noise, then looked down to see that he had torn out part of the mattress's corner to expose a bunch of the springs. I kept stroking and felt a shiver run down my spine when I saw him yank out two springs and crush them into powder.

His fingers were now at my hips, gently rubbing circles. He helped me out of my jeans, seemingly afraid to touch what they had concealed. His breathing became extremely labored whenever his hand got close to my heat. I couldn't tell if it was my fear and reluctance or his natural coldness that was making me shiver.

Edward was so tense that I was afraid of would happen if I got him too excited. We were both almost naked now and I braved stroking him through his pants again. When it was apparent that he wasn't going to violently pull away, I applied more pressure.

With that, Edward's fist slammed into the wall, taking down a huge piece of it to expose all the wiring. I gasped and shrank back.

"Don't stop, Bella. That feels amazing." He pulled my hand back, and I felt a short sharp electric shock radiate throughout my fingers.

_I love this man: but why does this feel so degrading? _

The questions and uncertainty reeled back and forth in my mind: would it be him or Carlisle in the end. Or perhaps neither. Why wasn't I ecstatic about Edward's wartime mindset, how could I treat a man I loved like this, why he wanted our first time to be in Port Angeles on a torn-out boxspring mattress in a dilapidated building.

Of one thing I was certain: I hadn't wanted it to be like _this_.

Painful, awkward, insecure, somewhat violated: how my first time probably _should_ have been, and with Edward no less.

This wretched, ugly feeling passed over me. I recalled learning about a condition called the madonna-whore complex in psychology class. It was apparently a cognitive dissonance that made men view women in very black and white terms; you're either a virginal and maternal madonna or a sexualized whore, namely an anonymous one. No in-between. I didn't think it was possible for women to have anything like it, but I guess I did.

I dreadfully realized that I didn't want to see Edward in this light: I only wanted to see him as virginal, devoted to me, and always saying no. A pure, angelic entity who had my sincerest and most complete adoration. A man who had my heart under lock and key so direly that it made me feel sleazy for thinking about him sexually, to the point that I was unable to see him that way.

Whereas I was definitely able to see Carlisle as a highly sexual being.

So in control, yet not domineering. Unafraid and uninhibited but would not make me do anything I was uncomfortable with. As Edward crushed me in his desirous embrace, I felt a piece of my heart tear off as I realized that my heart was not as in this as it could've been a week ago. I suddenly understood all those hedge fund wives who were fine with their husbands not touching them: they loved each other, but both sought pleasure elsewhere.

Only difference was that Edward wasn't a smug investment banker with a bevy of "administrative assistants", claiming that work kept him out late. He was hopelessly devoted to me and almost killed himself when he thought I was dead.

The pain at realizing this was crippling. _I have a madonna-whore complex. Ever since I lost my virginity to his creator, I can't see him sexually anymore._

It was sick and wrong, that I was aware of. _But he's always been the dominant one in the relationship: how is this realization any more or less sick and wrong?_

Edward moved my hair away from my face, his fingertips cool and soothing against my cheeks. Our lips met, more gently this time. His hand nervously shook as he moved it down my body. I placed mine over his, shivering as he hooked his ice-cold fingers into my panties to slide them off. His other hand tore off the entire top left corner of the mattress. My breathing almost came to a standstill when I saw the pain etched in his gorgeous face. He seemed animalistic and possessed, at war with his own sense of restraint.

Quickly and forcefully, he took his pants off, placing my hand on his bare cock. His lips grazed my neck softly. "Are you nervous?" His velvet-cloaked voice was hardly audible.

"No," I lied. My voice cracked. I suddenly felt like a child who accidentally found her mother's _Playgirl _under the bed. The Peter Steele issue, no less.

_This going to fucking hurt. You mean to tell me Edward was actually jealous of Jacob? That _had_ to be a mind-reading bluff, like Carlisle reciting entire medical books when Edward tries to read his mind. Or, Jacob spends most of the day with a lead pipe shoved down his pants._

I had been dying for this moment for such a long time. Edward went from shoving me away every night to suddenly wanting a do-or-die sex session in the middle of a battle zone. But something about this gesture felt _wrong_, ironic considering how right the initial awkwardness felt.

I wanted to scream in frustration and confusion. I really truly did not know what the hell I wanted.

More gently this time, Edward placed me by his side so he could climb on top of me. He passionately kissed me, making the action seem so chaste. He awkwardly positioned himself so that his icy chest was planar to mine. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders when he slowly and carefully spread my legs apart, lowly growling the entire time.

My breath was a sharp, painful intake as I felt the his hardness against me. He brushed the tip against my wet entrance, and slightly recoiled. Another mattress spring got crushed into dust.

I braced myself and took another deep breath as he tried to get inside me. A pleasant electrical shock resulted when he inserted barely half an inch of his shaft into me.

It made it all the more surprising when he violently pulled out, taking down a piece of drywall big enough to be a trapdoor. His heavy breathing turned into angry grunts that made me wince.

"Just try again," I whimpered.

Edward rested his head against my shoulder while he kept his hands on the mattress as to not hurt me. Yet another spring was history, part of the mattress now resembled a deflated balloon. I threw my arms behind me to place my palms against the wall. He took a deep breath before attempting to enter me again.

I could feel that stone ensconced in cold skin rub against the soft walls that beckoned him inside. The head brushed against my clit, I softly moaned to encourage him. I prepared myself for that mix of pain and pleasure that I remembered from my first time.

But I didn't get that. Instead, he violently backed away and almost flew back several feet, destroying what remained of the dresser. He threw the last intact drawer from it across the room, it splashed into the pile of rain-soaked planks from the now-leaky ceiling.

Naked and still hard, he half-stood above me, rampantly tearing out more pieces of the wall. He yanked out the protruding window sill, raining pieces of plaster and paint chips onto me. I sneezed from the falling debris, from what might've been dust or mold.

His eyes a deep black with lust and hunger, he continued on this rampage while I silently slinked off the bed. I hurriedly looked for my clothes, the guilt and shame that nailed me to the cross were hammered in further by the overwhelming aura of degradation.

_He couldn't even get it in. I somehow remember those obnoxious nurses talking about that one time at the hospital. Now I know exactly what they're talking about...times ten. The men they do this with don't have to worry about killing them._

_I don't think they feel the shame I feel either. Or even have anything close to love for those men._

Sighing, Edward fell back onto the mattress. I already had my clothes back on and didn't want to turn around so I gave him a few minutes alone. I stood outside the chipped doorway while he silently got dressed.

I felt cold wool over my shoulders as he once again placed his coat on me, a gentlemanly act that was such a stark contrast to what just took place. Tears pricked at my eyes as I breathed in his intoxicating scent.

"I'm sorry, Bella." Edward's voice was so soft.

"It's okay. Don't beat yourself up over it."

"No, it's not okay." he shot back. Grabbing me by the wrist, he lifted my shirt and pointed me to the broken mirror. "Look at what I did to you. I told you I was a fucking monster. If I hadn't known better, I would've thought someone tried to rape you."

What he didn't know was that those bruises going down my stomach and across my hips were from Carlisle. Edward had barely touched those areas. It felt like a knife was pushed into my heart and turned, then twisted even further.

"My self-control was a total failure."

"Edward," I said gently. "It wasn't. It's obviously good enough to prevent you from seriously hurting me."

His chin rested on the top of my head as he pulled me close, his hand suddenly splayed over my heart.

"It's like thunder. You _do_ love me." I could feel the sting of tears that wouldn't drop.

"In that case...we should go back outside and look for this mastermind."

He stood up straight and tall. "Yes. I can sense Rosalie and Emmett are close by. We can stage a coup, I'll stay in here and you go outside. I'll make sure nothing happens to you. The leader won't be able to resist the scent of your blood, we can ambush him while he's distracted."

I bolted outside into the driving rain. "Come and get me, you sonofabitch!" I yelled.

Turning around, I looked all over the place. There were just absolutely no signs of life at all. Edward said that Rosalie and Emmett were near, but I couldn't even see, hear, or smell them. The whole place was just dead silent.

I stood in the middle of the street, continuing to get soaked, for what seemed like fifteen minutes but was probably close to five. I was positive that my heartbeat had probably slowed down by now too.

I walked back to the abandoned building, where Edward was impatiently waiting. He was impossibly still, had I been him I would've been pacing back and forth and fidgeting nonstop.

"Edward, they're not coming. Nothing's happening."

"Just get out there and keep waiting," he replied with conviction.

Making a makeshift bench out of a cinder block and plank, I sat down in a halfassed shelter made out of a flyaway tarp. I started reciting entire Metallica albums back and forth in my head. (Pre Black Album, mind you.) Rocking back and forth on my feet, I couldn't take this kind of tedium. Once I mentally made it through "Orion" I decided I couldn't take it anymore.

If my presence alone wouldn't drive the leader out, what would?

Suddenly, I got an idea. I checked Edward's pockets and couldn't find anything. I looked on the ground and found a shard of glass. I cleaned it off the best I could, took a deep breath, than ran the shard across my wrist.

A sharp gust of wind blew directly in my face and I held my wrist out. The breeze sent the torrenting droplets sliding down my arm, mingling the rainwater with my blood. It stung.

Edward flew out the door, and hurtled towards me. "What the hell are you doing?!"

"Setting the trap. If my blood calls to you as much as you say it does, this is going to be the only way to speed it up."

He bit his fist. "I'm staying over here. You are not to leave my--"

He stopped mid-speech, because apparently my trick worked. I looked in the direction that he was transfixed on, and espied two rapidly approaching male vampires. One appeared to be about seven feet tall, just like the veteran had said, and the other one was almost a foot shorter. Edward instantly ran to my side, holding me to his chest.

The taller of the two had shaggy brown hair and looked menacing clad in all black, but I could see intelligence in the red-ringed eyes of his shorter cohort who donned a military uniform. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up.

"That's one delectable meal you've got there. Plan on sharing?" the taller of the two asked of Edward, his voice dripping with malice.

"She's with me," he barked. "Touch her and you're fucking dead."

"Check this out, he likes to play with his food," the vampire in fatigues taunted.

"Aw, this is going to be just like when I took other kids' lunch money in the first grade," the tall vampire laughed.

"You're just weakling newborn vampires," Edward growled. "I've been around longer than Strom Thurmond. You two are going to fall like stones."

"Yeah well, there's two of us and one of you. I have a five-star general who led his troop to victory in the Gulf War, you have a weak human girl who I could break in half like a carrot." He put major emphasis on the last part of his statement. But this painted a much clearer picture now, a military tactician was indeed behind all this bloodshed.

Edward's eyes were focused on the pair, most likely reading their minds so he could figure out the moves they were going to make, then they flamed.

"Laurent created you?" He was shouting now. "How is that possible? The wolf pack killed Laurent a long time ago."

_Oh god. If this is true, then he's not just a weak newborn._

"Yes, Laurent," the tall one trailed off. "He tried to make a quick dinner out of me when his coven passed through. But his venom got to me and he left me to die. I laid in a ditch for almost a week until I was reborn, stronger than ever. No one to push me around anymore." A malicious smile curled up his pale lips. "I found every single person who ever picked on me in high school, I rained hell on them, you better believe it. Every worthless sonofawhore who ever told me I wouldn't amount to anything? I tore them up beyond recognition.

I needed a sidekick, so I found Mark here. He was going to kill himself when he could no longer afford his psychoactive drugs, but I decided to save him by letting my venom sit with him like Laurent did with me. Then we met this Victoria woman, she told me that she was going to Forks to avenge her husband James...against these freak vampires who wouldn't bite humans, this one with bronze hair killed James over a weak human. I told her about Laurent, she and I both couldn't believe it was the same girl behind it." He bared his fangs.

"And only a total fucking idiot, or a masochist, would keep a human around this long...and this foolish vampire boy Victoria talked about perfectly matches your description. How fortunate that he keeps his food with him. Now I can avenge all of them."

I was knocked off my feet by Mark, who threw me into a cuckold against the ground. He emitted an animalistic hiss, his black and red eyes the most frightening sight that had ever been in my line of vision.

_This is it. Good-bye Renee and Charlie. Good-bye Jacob, good-bye Carlisle...good-bye Edward, I'm sorry for what I did. So long everyone who I ever loved._

Edward yanked him off and dragged me back to the building in a nauseating blur of speed.

"My guardian angel...how I don't deserve you," I barely cracked out before slumping against what remained of the apartment building's lobby. I covered myself in Edward's coat and huddled behind the wrecked structure to observe the fight.

"EMMETT!"

I heard the screech of burning rubber as I saw a highjacked army Jeep pull up on the wrong side of the road, Emmett surely behind the wheel. He made sure he ran Mark over before slamming the brakes to propel Rosalie outside. In a running jump, she tackled the tall vampire from behind, knocking him to the ground as Emmett hurtled out of the flaming vehicle, which he had crashed into a partition.

Rosalie sped over to a pile of debris and threw it into the fire as Edward and Emmett dragged the tall vampire kicking and screaming to the flames. I pretended not to hear the sickening cracks as they dismembered his body before tossing it into the bonfire, as I coughed at the stench of burning hair and stone-flesh.

Feral growls resounded throughout the air as Rosalie and Emmett piledrove Mark while Edward grabbed more pieces of wood to add to the bonfire. In a move that stunned me, Mark escaped Emmett's strong grasp. Had to be some crazy shit he learned during Desert Storm because almost no one is strong enough to fight Emmett.

I screamed when he unhitched a lamppost and was about to hit Edward from the back.

"Edward, look out!" I cried.

Rosalie punched Mark in the face which sent him hurtling back a few feet, but not before he tried to run after her, grabbing her by the hair so she fell to the ground.

"You bastard!" she screamed.

In a fury, Emmett tried to run after him but he was too fast. Even though Edward could read Mark's mind and predict his next move, it was looking hopeless. Even before they took down Laurent's creation, Mark was still outnumbered. How could they not catch him?

Then out of nowhere, the skeleton of a minivan was thrown into the fray and missed its target, crashing into a nearby townhouse. I heard a deep roar, and spied a lithe vampire with gold hair crouching on top of a neighboring structure, that he began to tear shingles off of, throwing them into the bonfire. Jasper!

Fiercely defending his brothers, he lunged off the townhouse and landed on top of Mark. Jasper lambasted him with his own maneuvers that he learned in the army long ago. Kneeling on his back, he held down Mark's hands, eventually snapping them off. He was finally powerless.

I watched with both horror and relief as a screaming Rosalie and a livid Edward tore Mark's limbs off, Emmett angrily ripping off his leg to get back at him for striking Rosalie, before shoving his torso into the flames.

Edward yanked me out of the building and carried me away from the morbid scene, and I felt his lips brush to mine in joy and relief. "It's all over," he whispered while pushing my hair from my face.

I saw Jasper empty out an entire can of gasoline near the fire where they burned the vampire carapaces. Emmett and Rosalie embraced as Jasper threw a lit match into the stream. Emmett victoriously shouted, "These shitheads are toast!"

The same flames that had been present in my nightmares rose higher. The smoke tickled my airways, almost knocking me out completely. Sleepily, I clung to Edward's chest as the inferno spread and the sky darkened.

The last thing I remember saying was, "Take me back to Charlie's."

"_**If we had lost our hopes, we know our dreams would still remain, because nothing is impossible, and nothing burns like fire in the rain."**_


	15. Chapter 15: Confessions

My eyes fluttered open, and I was in the warm familiarity of my room. A glance to the window revealed that it was dark outside.

"What happened?" I muttered. "Is it really over? Was it just a dream?" I looked around to realize that I had just talked to myself.

I turned over to find a piece of notebook paper covered in a fine looped script.

**It wasn't a dream: it's really over. Went back with Jasper to see if there were any more rogues that needed to be taken care of. Charlie will be home soon. Love, E.**

_I'm alive. Charlie is safe. _I breathed a huge sigh of relief.

I sat up in my bed, a vague recollection of the afternoon resonating in my head.

My strongest memory was the stench of burning stone and wood. Lots of black smoke. A huge fire in the rain that symbolized the end of a reign of terror. The second strongest memory was the smell of mildew in a rundown apartment.

With a start, the succeeding recap made me gasp: Edward and I almost had sex, he made short work of a mattress and several pieces of drywall. He compared the situation to early twentieth century wartime couples and was probably now embarrassed, as was I.

An involuntary shudder ran down my body as I thought about how I didn't want to see Edward in that light after all that had transpired. In spite of how the awkwardness felt right, everything else seemed wrong and I wasn't sure why.

_Maybe things just seemed more appealing when he was reluctant and made the whole act seem so verboten._

I flew out of bed, trying not to think about it, and threw on some clean clothes. A cursory look in the mirror showed that I withstood some minor bruising from Mark's attack and Edward's iron grasp, I was surprised at how I came out of that relatively well considering that James' attack landed me in the hospital for days. The blush that ran through my face highlighted my scar.

Regardless, I was wracked with pain and guilt at the realization that I kept thinking about Carlisle almost the entire time Edward tried to get intimate with me. In spite of how much I love him.

But the violent display in that rundown apartment didn't seem like something I wanted to associate with love and purity. Even though there has to be more to this than physical satisfaction, the pained and forceful creature who made me feel ashamed of myself for reasons other than committing adultery with his creator, was not the man I had fallen in love with.

I could still smell the mold from the paint chips that fell on my face after he tore the window sill off its foundation, an outlet for his frustration. That image was probably going to haunt me for the rest of my life. He just seemed so maniacal and daresay, beastly. Maybe he really wasn't exaggerating when he said that he was a monster underneath it all.

The mental snapshots of those dark hours were the last thing I wanted going back and forth in my head. I debated raiding the Halcion again, anything to make it stop.

I took another deep breath. _Distraction. I need a mindless distraction._

With that, I headed downstairs to see what was on TV. After flipping through some televangelists and football games, an episode of Sex and the City caught my eye. Carrie was running through the rain in a hookery outfit paired with impossibly high heels, while Mr. Big chased her. Then I remembered what season it was.

_Fuck, it's another one of those episodes where Carrie cheats on Aidan._ Hitting too close to home, I immediately changed the channel and found Family Guy.

"Hey, Bill, you up for a little bowling? I swiped some money out of Lois's purse. I don't think she'll notice because she's here HUMPING YOU?!"

_Does the whole world know? _I thought to myself as I changed the channel yet again. A new reality show channel.

"Welcome to the premiere of the Hidden Camera Network!"

"This doesn't seem so bad..." I mused.

"I am your host, former New York governor Eliot Spitzer! I'm reporting to you live with Client #8 from behind the bleachers in scenic Fresno, California--"

At this point, I just screamed, shut the TV off, and almost ran back upstairs.

Dinner. I have to get dinner on the table, I'm sure Charlie would appreciate it after a long day investigating what everyone thinks is a serial killer rampage. Cooking a somewhat elaborate meal will be a good distraction.

I paced around for what seemed like ten minutes. "Food Network," I muttered to myself before turning the TV back on. "I doubt The Barefoot Contessa will be running a special on French food associated with extracurricular relationships."

I busied myself in the kitchen with the TV going in the background, three out of four burners going at once. Anything to not think about what had happened. I didn't even hear Charlie come in.

"This is a bit much, isn't it?" Charlie grinned.

"It's no trouble, I haven't cooked in a while," I said sheepishly.

"I hate to tell you this, but I already ate at Sue Clearwater's," he said with a slightly guilty tone, but sat down at the table anyway.

"Then we're good on leftovers for the rest of the week." I took a plate to the table. "So, you've been spending a lot of time at Sue's lately." I smiled.

Charlie blushed and took a long swig of his beer. "I don't think either of us really like being alone." I gave him a strange look and almost stopped mid-bite. "I mean, I've got you and she's got Seth and Leah, but well, ah, I think you know what I mean." I did.

"Well, we've both been through a lot of really crazy shit. I think so long as you're happy that's all that matters." I felt like I was a million miles away.

"Speaking of crazy shit, work's been pure hell lately. Port Angeles is a total wreck. I've been dealing with the National Guard and FBI agents day in day out, and these paper-pushers trying to blind me with their stupid language and prevent us from doing our jobs."

I felt so relieved that the cause of the mass murders had been done away with, that Charlie and I were no longer in danger. That no more innocent people had to die. But I couldn't tell him this, unless I wanted to spend decades of quality time in the rubber room.

"It's messed up," he said while shaking his head. "Here I was thinking that you'd be worse off in a big city what with gang violence and random shootings, but I think this massacre set a national record. There's no signs of life in that place whatsoever."

That he was right about. But I couldn't let him know that I had witnessed it firsthand.

"How much longer will the investigations take?"

"The Feds had to get called in, so probably six to seven months at the very least. We've got pretty much no leads because serial killers usually target people by a characteristic like gender, race, or some other demographic. Like that guy in Ripley who went on a rampage killing lawyers. But these random acts of violence are totally unconnected."

Suddenly, the phone rang. Charlie answered it.

"Oh hey Billy! I just left Sue's a little while ago, I'm at home now-- but sure, I'll watch the game with you."

He looked over to me. "Would you mind?"

I grinned. "Isn't it usually asked the other way around? I feel like I'm in a John Hughes movie."

Charlie laughed. "Okay, I'll be over in about fifteen minutes."

He asked me after he hung up, "You sure you'll be fine here alone? I feel like we don't spend much time together anymore."

I felt a little sad and reproachful at this. "You've been busy with the investigations."

"I'm hoping to get a day off or two coming up soon."

"Okay, we'll do something then."

He rose out of his chair. "I'm heading to Billy's. I'll see you tomorrow morning, Bells." He ruffled my hair and kissed my forehead.

The second he was gone, the phone rang. The caller ID announced that it was Renee. I was debating if I should take the call or not, I honestly couldn't deal with her space cadet questions right now. I let it ring, figuring that if it was a really dire matter she'd leave a message and I'd just call her back.

Since she didn't leave one, it couldn't have been that important. I could just call her back tomorrow.

With that, I headed upstairs and decided to churn out yet another halfassed response to the last three emails she sent. While I didn't want to totally cut her out of my life, I had to say that I was a tad relieved the email count went from seven to three. I was so caught up in writing a message that pretended everything was hunky-dory that when I heard the familiar rattling of my window, it startled the crap out of me. Lately, Edward had been using the door.

I wish I could've seen the look on my face when I saw that the visitor who climbed in through my window was Carlisle.

"Carlisle. Oh my god. What are you doing here?"

Next thing I knew, my feet were no longer touching the ground. He effortlessly enveloped me into a dramatic sweeping embrace that was like something out of a 1940s movie. Flinging my arms around his neck, our lips met. In spite of the guilt and shame, I felt something within my heart flutter. Losing myself in this moment seemed to be the most important thing in the world.

In spite of wearing a ragged tank top and lounge pants, and that Carlisle was clad in street clothes and out of uniform, the whole thing made me feel like Scarlett O'Hara.

"You're alive. I told you you'd pull through." We kissed again. "I just wanted to see that you came out unscathed, I was a mite suspicious when you didn't end up in the ER." He kissed my forehead and my cheek pressed against the icy plane of his strong chest. It felt incredibly soothing.

"I do have a cell phone," I smirked.

"I felt a house call would be more effective," he murmured sotto voce. He then ran several kisses down my arms, his smooth lips stopping at my wrist. I leaned back in my bed, his fingers clasped into mine as the rest of my body eagerly responded.

"I have a feeling this is one hell of a house call," I breathed as I ran my hand across his chest.

Carlisle softly touched my face, his body gently pressed against mine. The action didn't seem overtly sexual.

"Bella, I'm afraid I had some ulterior motives in coming here."

"I'm well aware of that. Can we hurry up and get to them?"

"You still haven't learned patience." Then he turned serious. "No, I mean as in...I have an important message to deliver." He sighed. "According to the Denalis, the Volturi are still coming. Even though the threat is gone."

I felt my heart jump into my throat. "What?! No!"

I could read the sadness in his eyes. "Yes. Unfortunately."

"But...they'll kill me." I cracked. "Unless I get bitten."

"Bella, we have to escape."

"I know--" I stopped in my tracks. "_We?_" This took a moment to actually set in.

He looked away, refusing to meet my eyes. "I think Esme is getting suspicious."

That feeling like I'd been punched in the stomach returned. "But if you left _with me_, wouldn't that just get everything out in the open?"

_Unless it's for the better that we just get it all out now and face the music._

"Something out there wants this to happen: Edward doesn't suspect anything, and Alice hasn't had any visions about it because we've all been dispersed to fight the outbreak."

"But now that everyone will be together again..."

"So long as you're still human, we must be as secretive as possible."

My tone hardened. "What about our deal? I can't spend my life living in fear, knowing that between the Volturi and rogues I am vulnerable and must either die or be transformed."

"As soon as we escape. I promise." There was seriousity in his copper eyes.  
"They'll understand when you come back."

"But what about Charlie? Renee?"

He sighed. "We're just going to have to make it up as we go along. If you go totally insane with thirst, which you probably will, then you won't be able to see them for months. Maybe even a year or two."

I laid back against my pillows, frozen with fear and rife with shellshock. Trapped in the worst ultimatums of my entire life, facing dire and unavoidable risks no matter which path I chose.

"Or, you can wait. I leave it entirely up to you."

Gazing at this flawless Adonis, I realized that it really didn't get any better than this. And that I had to seal the deal.

"Why don't we just take things as they come?" I reached out to him, wrapping my arms around his broad shoulders when that craving, yearning ache finally hit home.

Carlisle could see how bruised up I was from the accident, the attacks, our rough and passionate session in the intern bunker. New bruises on my wrists had formed from the incident earlier today. I hoped he wouldn't say anything about it for fear that the shame would eat me alive.

"Just tell me if I'm hurting you," he said with that gentle smile I'd come to adore. "You're so bruised up..." Luckily he didn't comment further.

My tongue gently probed into his mouth, his tongue slowly massaging my own. He ran his fingers through my hair while his other hand ran up my thigh, coursing a pleasurable shiver throughout my entire body. I breathed in his intoxicating scent and came to a somewhat saddening realization that being in his strong, icy arms did not make me feel like I was an old Chevy meeting its fate at a junkyard like I had earlier today. _Wait a minute, I HAD an old Chevy before all this happened._

His lips were against my neck, slowly snaking down to my collarbone as he gently caressed my inner thigh, getting dangerously close to my entrance. Teasingly, I could feel those cold fingertips just barely stroke me through my pants. It was driving me absolutely wild. For good measure, I caressed his chest, slowly moving my hand down to tease him all the same. He groaned into the nape of my neck, and gently bit my earlobe. Every inch of my body was covered in that delightful icy fire he so created in me.

Suddenly, we were driven out of our erotic euphoria when Carlisle's cell phone rang.

I didn't see whose name was on the ID but from the look on his face I knew it had to be someone he didn't want knowing where he was.

"I'll be back in about fifteen minutes."

"No problem."

"The car's about two blocks away, I tried to be as discreet as possible."

I threw up my hands. "I'm up to no good with a drop-dead gorgeous man about 280 years older than me while my dad's out watching ESPN. My, what would the neighbors think."

"You're impossible, Bella." He kissed my lips before he climbed back out the window.

Getting an idea, I walked out of my room and went to Charlie's room and picked open the lockbox where he kept stuff he had to have on hand or that he just felt like filching from the office. With a devilish smile, I whipped out a pair of regulation handcuffs and walked back to my room feeling sexy and confident, having decided that Carlisle should be in for a pleasant surprise when he got back.

I took off my drab clothes and opted to delve into the closet for a suitable replacement. I curiously rooted through the huge department store bag that I had reluctantly taken from Renee last summer. I honestly hated shopping and she knew it.

My search produced a pair of risqué lacy black La Perla panties that had been bought on the same shopping spree as that wretched shirt, so I donned them. I never even went through what else was in the bag until now, and was surprised at some of the clothes and frilly underthings in there. I guess it was her last attempt to make me less of a tomboy. _Christ, most girls' mothers would search their rooms for this kind of stuff and secretly donate it to Goodwill or hock on eBay while they were at school, not buy it for them. _But I had to admit, I was grateful for it now.

Feeling a little adventurous, I clapped one cuff onto my left wrist, remembering to leave it unlocked and have enough leeway to wiggle out of it if I had to. I didn't want to handcuff myself to the bed for fear of something incredibly dangerous and stupid that could only happen to me and no one else, but figured that if Carlisle just saw them he'd get enough ideas.

A shiver ran down my spine as I waited, I was both scared and excited not to mention dying for him to get back. Suddenly, I heard that familiar rapping on the side of the house that told me I had a visitor. An impish grin lit up my face.

I sashayed to the window, clad in nothing but the black lace panties, charm bracelet, handcuffs, and a lustful smile. "Hello, lover."

He barely came through the window and almost fell to the ground upon seeing me. If he wasn't immortal, I would've thought that he had a heart attack.

"Hot DAMN! I should come over unannounced more often!"

It was Jacob, and he had totally flipped his lid.

I leaped back and screamed, then quickly covered my bare breasts with my arms. My face was probably redder than a tomato. "Oh fuck. I'm sorry, you weren't supposed to see that!"

Jacob was still wide-eyed and amazed, not to mention totally speechless. I had clearly made the kid's night. The whole pack was going to see this replay in his head until even the thirteen-year-old newbies got sick of it. Oh _god_.

I remember reading the Embarrassing Moments letters in _Seventeen_, and there were some total bombs in there. Some of them were more hilarious than truly embarrassing, but the "move out of town and change your name" rating was the highest and there were always one or two of those that made it to the top of the page and they were usually pretty fucking horrific, mortifying stuff that those girls' classmates would be talking about well after 35.

But I think this incident could rate as "move out of the country and be a goat herder in Micronesia whilst clad in a burqa with Ray-Bans over it so no one could possibly recognize you until the end of your days" kind of embarrassing.

"I thought that was Carlisle."

_Oh shit. No. _Jacob's spellbound trance was broken and replaced with one of shock and ire.

I already said it. I couldn't rewind and say "Edward" instead. The damage had been done.

He raised his eyebrow in incredulity. Surprisingly, he didn't yell. His voice was calm and even without any breaks. "I thought that was just a one-time thing."

I blushed and looked to the floor in shame.

"Not...that you're continuing to see him?"

I remained speechless. I couldn't think of anything to say to him.

"Bella, seriously, what the fuck?"

"That's none of your business, Jacob," I replied tersely.

"I believe it is," Jacob replied just as harshly, his chest heaving as the rage began to hit home. "You came to me after the first time because you felt bad about it and wanted to get it off your chest. If you really felt that bad, then why do you continue to see him?"

I heaved a deep sigh. "I think I love him," I confessed.

He threw up his hands and paced around my room. "Look, maybe Edward and I don't like each other. It was hard enough when I had to accept that it was him and not me. But this is just wrong. Just saying that you think you love Carlisle is hardly justification. I mean, where do you really think this is going to go? Do you honestly think he'll leave his wife for you?"

"We both think that perhaps things weren't meant to be the way they are. After all, didn't Sam leave Leah for Emily?"

He darkened. "That's different, we imprint and can't control it. And Sam was never disloyal to Leah when he was still with her. _This_ could've been controlled."

"Carlisle was apparently attracted to me for a long time."

"Well, he could've kept it in his pants in the first place. And you could've just said no!" he exploded.

He then muttered under his breath, "You know that I was always waiting here, willing to do it without any consequences. Goddamnit, this is like that episode of Dynasty..."

I was now on the verge of tears. "Just please leave. Go." I directed him to the window, looking away. "Why are you even here?"

"Well, I namely stopped by to see how you were...I had no idea that you were busy."

His voice sounded stung and spiteful at "busy".

"And also to remind you that Leah's birthday party is tomorrow."

Shit. I had almost completely forgotten. What with starting an intense affair, trying to keep it clandestine, stopping the rabid newborn invasion, and fearing for my life and all especially since Carlisle just told me that Volturi were coming anyway.

"Well, Charlie and I will definitely come."

A party would do us some good. Charlie was so stressed out with work and wanted to spend more time with me, and I could definitely use the distraction. Being with Sue and Billy would do him a world of good, and Jacob couldn't jump down my throat for this in front of almost the entire reservation.

"It starts around three tomorrow and goes on until who knows when."

"Great, we'll both be there." He was still staring at me, almost totally naked, while my arms strained to keep myself concealed. Good god this was painful to watch.

There was a long awkward pause.

"Bella, just please think about what your actions," Jacob urged pleadingly. "You can't do this to Edward."

I was just exasperated by now. "Carlisle understands me in a way that none of you do." He raised his eyebrow. "He seems to be the only man I've ever been involved with who knows that I am capable of making my own decisions," I spoke with passion and conviction.

"Well, when you put it that way..." he retorted sarcastically.

"Jacob, I'm being serious." I bit my lip. I was _not_ going to cry.

"I've had nothing but domination!" I screamed. "I love you-- as a friend. I love Edward but have been questioning how I came to love someone who tries to exercise so much control over my life." I took a deep breath. Jacob was hanging on to my every word but looked as though he didn't want to believe what I had to say.

"Carlisle is the kindest and most empathetic person I've ever met. Who isn't afraid to let me think for myself." The stinging tears restrained themselves, but not without a fight.

Jacob shook his head and looked away. "All I have to say is that Edward is being wronged and that while I don't know Carlisle's wife, the fact that he has one and that you are aware of her is what makes this whole situation even worse."

A frisson of rage ran through my body. "But it wasn't so wrong when you also tried to seduce me. Almost the _entire time_ I've been with Edward and just a few days ago. When it rains, it pours, remember?" I snapped.

He darkened. "I see you've made your point, and I've made mine."

"Just leave. Please." My voice was hardly audible.

"I'll see you tomorrow," he said as he began the climb out of my window. "Good night." That was probably the sharpest tone I'd ever heard him use for those two words.

I sat on my bed with my arms still over my chest, almost on the verge of another panic attack. I put my head between my knees and took a few deep breaths as I anticipated Carlisle's return.

Admitting Jacob was exactly right hurt the most.

Sure enough, I heard the rapping again and I saw the moonlight shine on pure platinum and knew that it actually was Carlisle this time. But I didn't have the heart to get up and head over to the window. It made me think back to my first time, that moment when I felt like I was eight and not eighteen. I remained on my bed with my arms crossed over my chest.

"What do we have here?" Carlisle's low sultry voice gave me chills. The sensual smile on his lips that met his black eyes made me see what was worth all this risk.

He carefully uncrossed my arms and kneeled before me, running his cold hands up my thighs. I sighed and leaned back onto the bed, he planted soft kisses around my stomach and headed up towards my breasts where his skilled hands slowly circled and squeezed. I couldn't help but cry out at the sensation.

Slowly disrobing, he moved on top of me and we ardently kissed. I ran my fingers through his hair as he gently pinned me to the bed, unhasping the other handcuff. His lips cold against my shoulder, a throaty whisper emerged in the dark.

"You're under arrest." That stone skin strained against my thigh, getting close to my bare flesh, which was getting wetter by the second. I could feel the cold radiating off his other hand that neared it.

"So what did I do wrong, officer? And aren't you supposed to read me my rights?" I did my best Kathleen Turner impression again but probably sounded like RuPaul.

"Your crime? Making me unable to think about anything else since the night you wrecked your truck. Making me feel like I'm king of the world every time you scream my name." His fingertips rubbed up against my clit, stroking in perfect rhythm, making me sigh and yearn for his hard manliness. "Keeping this up although we both know how wrong this is."

"So what's my punishment?" The second I got the last word out, I became slippery wet. This felt so dangerous, downright scary, and utterly titillating.

With that, Carlisle took my other wrist and encircled it with the other cuff, clasping it tighter than the other one. My hands were behind my back, which was rife with chills from excitement. He slowly took my panties off and slid his body onto mine, teasing me with the tip of his diamond-hard cock.

"Let the punishment fit the crime."

The familiar frost I had come to revere permeated me as our bodies became one, that hard perfection driving into me slowly and gently at first as I tightened around him.

I was disappointed that I couldn't dig my nails into his back, as the cold metal of the handcuffs drove into my own. There were frustrating limitations about not being able to use my arms and hands but giving Carlisle all this control was darkly erotic and I was certain a mind-blowing scintillation awaited.

His hands appreciatively roamed my body as I met each thrust harder and faster than I usually could. Having no use of my hands made me use my hips and legs more strongly, it was like having sharper hearing as a result of being blind. I wrapped my leg around his body to drive him further into me. His lips were against my neck, and I could hear him groan in ecstasy at my bondage-aided thrusting.

The sound of our movements and the click of the handcuffs echoed in my ears with our mutual esctatic moaning and panting. I don't think Carlisle had ever entered me this deep before. I was dizzy with pleasure at this heightened sensation, tightening around his pulsating hardness that drove into me with ferocity. It made me forget about everything else in my life.

Driving into me with passion, I screamed out as I was sure he could feel me shake deep inside. As we neared our mutual orgasm, he grasped the headboard of my bed, which promptly cracked. I gasped for breath as reality itself exploded into a trillion tiny little pieces upon feeling the pulse of him releasing inside me. Pulling out, he held up a huge chunk of the oak bedpost. I couldn't help but laugh.

"I'll just say it was a very big termite."

We shared a long drawn out kiss full of tongue before I lay against his chest, exhausted. Carlisle carefully unlocked the handcuffs, well aware of where I got them from and refusing to say anything about it.

His fingers gently trailed down my shoulders and he heaved a deep sigh. "Before all this, it had been two years."

"Two years?"

"Yes." He closed his eyes for a minute. "Two years ago was the last time Esme and I even touched each other in bed."

I winced at the mention of her name, and immediately felt sick. I probably felt even sicker at the realization that I felt worse for her than I did for Edward.

It was easy to forget about everything when I was caught up in the heat of the moment, but when the aftershock set in and it was all over, I could feel the stabbing guilt.

"If you don't mind me asking...why?"

"When you're immortal, and you don't have to sleep or stop for other mundane needs, time itself becomes meaningless. Thus when she successfully transformed and we got married, we made love _all the time._"

I stared out the window.

"I suppose it's the same phase any mortal couple goes through, except I meant it literally. Along with the phases when we wouldn't do anything either. Sometimes we'd go for months, and I didn't want to pressure her or make her do anything she didn't want to. But occasionally she'd indulge me and I would feel bad about it.

"And I didn't want to. So eventually we just stopped. I assumed that the novelty had worn off and that seeing how devoted we are to each other, I could still be happy in a relationship that didn't involve physical contact."

I was speechless. I didn't know if I even should say anything thus he pressed on. "Then you came along..." he trailed off. "I have to admit, I always thought you were incredibly beautiful. Every time I saw you end up at the hospital, your eighteenth birthday party...you exuded this toughness but this frailty and innocence I found irresistable. I started to wonder what it would be like to be with a human, what it would be like to take a much-younger woman. You asked me to bite you and I started having these dreams about doing more than just that."

I was stunned, to say the least, at his confession.

"Edward could never tell what I was thinking because I would put up a shield when he was around and just place it at the back of my mind, but I felt guilty having those thoughts all the same. Then you crashed your truck and we were home alone. Your heart was beating so fast and I knew that you were ready. The drugs and the head trauma did the talking but it was all I needed to give out."

We were both silent for a long time.

"I hate how Edward makes my decisions for me," I confessed. "It's always been like that. I do love him and know that he is a hard person to love, but I wish he wouldn't be so controlling over my life since he seems to have none over his."

Moonlight bathed the room in a silver glow, I could see the shine of the handcuffs that laid forgotten on the floor.

"That was just a game. He sometimes shackles me, emotionally, for real." I slowly breathed out the rest of the air in my lungs. I didn't dare want to speak of what happened earlier today. "I know he's seen a lot more bloodshed and insanity than I have, but...I was so taken aback at the one remaining human in Port Angeles. He was a Vietnam veteran who had lost his home and family to the newborns.

"He served our country for crying out loud. But was just a picture of _loss_: he lost friends in the war, his wife and children to the outbreak. He had built the house we stood in that was almost razed to the ground.

"Edward wasn't heartless towards him but I don't think he felt the degree of sadness that I did," I cracked out as I felt tears sting at my eyelids from the memory. "He just analogized the situation to his own wants." It was the best way I could word what happened without being too revealing. It was far too humiliating. "As if it was just a show of weak I am."

Carlisle cradled me against his chest and ran his finger over the scar on my cheek. "You have the same compassion for human life that I do." He kissed my forehead. "I think that's a beautiful thing rather than a sign of weakness."

"But it seems to lead me to be taken control of easily and I'm getting pretty fed up with it." The silver light shone on the red wolf on my bracelet. "Then there's Jacob." I sighed. "Listen, he knows."

He didn't say anything. His embrace remained steadfast as he softly stroked my hair. "Someone was bound to find out sooner or later," he declared, defeated. "I caught scent of werewolf nearby. That's also why I had to leave: I didn't want him to actually catch us in the act."

"He almost did. And he keeps threatening to tell Edward...he's suddenly developed sympathy for him even though he totally wanted him dead not that long ago."

He sighed. "Unless a miracle occurs or an intervention happens quick enough, the Volturi are still going to come. We still have to escape and be discreet about it."

"Maybe I should meet you at the hospital tomorrow. I could sneak out of Leah's birthday party a litle early, at least Jacob will probably stay put for that."

He nodded. "That would work." He let go of me and began to search for his clothes. I put my own back on in the rare chance that Charlie walked in here to wake me up, he had to find me decent.

Just as he was getting ready to leave, he reached into his pocket.

"I would have given you this earlier, but I felt a more private moment would be appropriate."

I held out my hand and felt a cool drop in my palm. I opened it to reveal a miniscule Maltese cross made of pewter. The backing was faded red.

"What is this?"

"I received it for several years of dedicated service from the medic forces when I lived in Australia."

I rotated it in my hand. "But isn't Australia warm and sunny..."

He smiled. "I lived in the rainiest part of Queensland. It's like Forks, only warm."

Ever so gently, he undid the hasp and linked it onto my charm bracelet so it was between the wolf and the heart. The moonlight bounced off the prismatic rays and backing, making the heart appear rust-red.

"Why did you give me this?" My voice felt small and faraway.

"I hope that dedicated service is the least I can provide, if not just something to remember me by."

I slowly enthroned my arms around Carlisle's taut shoulders as our lips met, his arm snaking around my waist.

"Tomorrow, we plot our escape."

* * *

**Is Leah's party going to be like anything out of Risky Business?**

**Will Jacob spill the beans out of morality, spite, or both?**

**Why god why did Fox cancel "The Critic" back in '94?**

**Are the Volturi going to cross American soil or will they be thwarted?**

**_IS_ the whole affair going to be brought out in the open?**

**Have you seen my QED report I was supposed to hand in and forgot about?**

**And once again: where the hell was Alice in all this?**

**If you want to find out, put Red Dawn on alert to know when your next dose of black tar heroin is ready!**

**Thanks for reading, thanks for your reviews and wonderful messages, please show me some love in the reviews if you haven't already!**

**And the next installment will be here soon enough: Same perv time, same perv channel!**


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